Can’t Find Who You Want to Be? Create Her: A Complete Guide to Reinventing Yourself

You want to be that girl, but have no idea who she is yet? I will guide you in finding her today.

I love this quote from Friedrich Nietzsche:

“If you kill a cockroach, you’re a hero. If you kill a butterfly, you’re a villain. Morals have aesthetic criteria.”

Simply put, our minds circulate around the visuals of a subject. Want to hire the best personal trainer? Look for someone who is in the shape you want to be. Want to cook beautiful food? Create balanced dishes. Want good style? Search for people whose style inspires you.

I post vlogs on YouTube and make the biggest, most powerful life-altering moves when I am in my lounge clothes talking to the camera without makeup. My deepest thoughts are raw and uncut. 

However, the videos that perform the best are the ones where I am trying on clothes and yapping about nothing. I thoroughly enjoy creating both, but when I fuse the two for some reason – looking put together whilst chattering about my goals – those videos do not do very well in the short term, but manage to engross those who understand me with a good binge watch on all my older videos.

People don’t understand the full process and packaging it takes to present such a finely finished product, but this is where we unravel the thread. I am a firm believer in the Pygmalion effect. If you show up how you want to be and dress for the job you want, you will find a way to get it. It is a form of reverse engineering that helps you tie the string from who you are to who you wish to become.

The Foundation: Understanding the Full Package

The substance naturally builds a foundation creating the aesthetic you want. When I want to be dressed well and get compliments on my outfit, I do not only take time worrying about my clothes. I worry about my sleep, workouts, healthy food, and the entire process it takes me to get there looking and feeling good so much to the point that I am radiating for others to notice. The vessel that carries the clothes is more significant than what is in season. You are an entire package of details, but people will simply narrow it down to your outfit or shoes.

This is the secret that most people miss: transformation isn’t just about changing your appearance or buying new clothes. It’s about understanding that every element of your life contributes to the energy you project into the world. Your morning routine affects your confidence. Your skincare routine affects your glow. Your mindset work affects your posture. Your sleep schedule affects your decision-making. Everything is interconnected.

The woman you want to become isn’t just wearing different clothes – she’s living a different life. She has different habits, different priorities, different energy. She thinks differently. And here’s the beautiful truth: you can start becoming her today, right now, exactly where you are.

The Three-Step Foundation

1. Who Are You vs. Who You Want to Be?

Before you can transform, you need radical honesty about your starting point. This isn’t about self-criticism – it’s about clarity. You can’t navigate to a destination without knowing where you’re starting from.

Take a moment to write down who you are right now. What are your current habits? How do you spend your time? What does your typical day look like? What energy do you bring to rooms? How do people describe you? What are you known for?

Now, paint a picture of who you want to become. Not just how you want to look, but how you want to feel, how you want to show up, what you want to be known for, what kind of energy you want to radiate. Be specific. The more detailed this vision, the clearer your path becomes.

2. Find Inspiration

Inspiration is everywhere once you start looking with intention. The key is to be strategic about where you look and what you consume. Your inputs determine your outputs, so curate your inspiration sources carefully. Your brain is like a Ferrari. Feed it with the right fuel to run properly.

When looking for visual inspiration, I like to go to Pinterest, Instagram, and sometimes YouTube. All of my social media algorithms are immaculately tailored and I do not want to destroy that. It really benefits me quite a bit. If you want mental or mindset inspiration, I like to go to YouTube to listen to creators I absolutely love, want to think like, or just calm my mind to keep me going in that direction.

But here’s what most people get wrong about inspiration: they collect it without taking action. They create Pinterest boards that become digital graveyards of dreams. Instead, treat inspiration as research. Study what draws you to certain images, people, or lifestyles. What specific elements make you think “yes, that’s it”? Is it the confidence in someone’s posture? The simplicity of their morning routine? The way their home feels like a sanctuary?

3. Create Your Own Inspiration

This is where the magic happens. You stop being a consumer of other people’s lives and start becoming the creator of your own. You become the woman whose life other people screenshot for their vision boards.

Creating your own inspiration means taking the elements that resonate with you and making them your own. It means experimenting, trying things on for size, and keeping what fits your authentic self while discarding what doesn’t serve you.

The Complete Life Inventory: Eight Essential Areas

Now we’re going to take inventory of every facet of your life. This isn’t about perfection – it’s about awareness and intentional design.

1. Wardrobe + Physical Appearance: Lifestyle, Personal Style, Seasonal Trends

Your style should be an extension of who you’re becoming, not a costume you put on. Start by cleaning out your closet ruthlessly. Keep only pieces that make you feel confident and aligned with your vision. Notice what’s missing and invest in quality pieces that bridge the gap between who you are and who you’re becoming.

Remember style goes beyond clothes. It’s your grooming habits, your posture, the way you carry yourself. It’s understanding that confidence is the best accessory and that feeling good in your skin translates to looking good to others.

Pay attention to seasonal trends, but don’t be enslaved by them. Use them as inspiration to refresh your look, but always filter trends through your personal style lens. Not all trends might suit your body type. Do what works for you. Copy + paste does not always work correctly on computers. Why should you do it to your style? The goal is to look like the best version of yourself, not like everyone else.

2. Make a List of Things You Do That You’re Proud Of vs. Not

This exercise requires brutal honesty. Write down everything you’re proud of – big and small. Maybe you’re proud that you always make your bed, that you’re learning a new language, that you’re a loyal friend, that you’re working toward a degree.

Then write down what you’re not proud of. Perhaps you scroll social media for hours, or you gossip, it’s possible you make excuses instead of taking action, it could that you neglect your health.

Now comes the transformation part:

• What you want to change: Identify specific behaviors or patterns that don’t align with who you’re becoming
• What you want to remove: Bad habits, toxic relationships, negative self-talk, time-wasters
• What you want to add: New hobbies, healthier habits, learning opportunities, creative pursuits

Example: I do not like that I am not waking as early as I would prefer, so I am going to do a deep dive of how much caffeine I am ingesting, exercising thoroughly so that I will be tired enough to want to sleep, and setting my alarm for early the next morning.

Remember, you don’t have to change everything at once. Pick one or two things to focus on and build momentum from there.

3. Home: Create a Sanctuary (Even If It’s Only One Part)

Your environment shapes your mindset more than you realize. You can’t feel like your best self in a space that drains your energy. If you can’t renovate your entire home, start with one corner, one room, or even just your bedside table.

Create a space that reflects who you’re becoming. This might mean investing in plants, decluttering ruthlessly, adding soft lighting, displaying books that inspire you, or simply making your bed every morning. Put the clothes you want to wear at the forefront of your wardrobe. Surround yourself with good habits to become whom you want to be. Your space should feel like a retreat from the world, an environment where you can recharge and inspire yourself.

4. Create a Moodboard for All the Things You Want in This Chapter

Visual representation is powerful. Create a moodboard that captures not just how you want to look, but how you want to feel, what you want to experience, and what you want your life to look like. Include images of morning routines, workspaces, travel destinations, relationships, hobbies – everything that represents this new chapter.

But here’s the key: don’t just create it and forget it. Look at it regularly. Let it guide your decisions. When you’re unsure about something, ask yourself: “Does this align with my vision?” I like to make it my wallpaper or the forefront of my moodboard photo album in my phone.

5. Surround Yourself with Beautiful Souls (and Energy) That Have Similar Dreams

You become who you spend time with. This is non-negotiable. If you want to level up, you need to surround yourself with people who are also committed to growth, who inspire you, who celebrate your wins, and who call you higher.

This doesn’t mean abandoning old friends, but it might mean spending less time with people who drain your energy or discourage your dreams. Seek out communities, both online and offline, where you can connect with like-minded people. Join classes, attend events, engage with content creators who inspire you.

6. Go Out and Do Things: Live a Full Life + Invite the People on This List

Transformation happens through experience, not just planning. You can’t become someone new by doing the same things you’ve always done. Say yes to invitations. Try new activities. Travel, even if it’s just to a new neighborhood. Take classes. Attend events. Put yourself in situations where you can practice being the person you’re becoming.

And here’s the important part: invite others along. Share your journey. Be the friend who suggests the museum visit, the hiking trip, the cooking class. You’ll be surprised how many people are waiting for someone to take the lead.

7. Use Identity vs. Motivation

Motivation is fleeting, but identity is lasting. Instead of relying on motivation to change your habits, start changing your identity. Don’t say “I want to work out more.” Say “I am someone who prioritizes her health.” Don’t say “I should read more.” Say “I am someone who values learning and growth.”

This shift in language might seem small, but it’s revolutionary. When you change how you see yourself, your actions naturally align with that identity. You stop fighting against your habits and start living from your new identity.

8. ACTION, ACTION, ACTION!

All the planning in the world means nothing without action. Start today, start small, but start. Pick one thing from your transformation plan and do it today. Then do it again tomorrow. And the next day.

Action creates momentum, and momentum creates transformation. You don’t have to wait until you feel ready or until conditions are perfect. You just have to start.

The Daily Practice of Becoming

Transformation isn’t a destination – it’s a daily practice. Every morning, you get to choose who you want to be that day. Every decision is an opportunity to vote for the person you’re becoming.

Some days will be easier than others. Some days you’ll feel aligned and unstoppable. Other days you’ll feel like you’re pretending or that you’re not making progress. Both are normal. Both are part of the process.

The key is consistency, not perfection. It’s better to take small actions consistently than to make dramatic changes that you can’t sustain. Trust the process, trust yourself, and remember that every small step is moving you closer to who you want to become.

Your New Beginning Starts Now

You have everything you need to start becoming the woman you want to be. You don’t need permission, you don’t need perfect conditions, and you don’t need to wait for Monday or next month or next year.

She’s been waiting for you to decide to become her. She’s been there all along, knowing that this moment would come – the moment when you stopped wishing and started becoming.

The woman you want to be isn’t some distant fantasy. She’s a choice you make every day, in every small action, in every decision to choose growth over comfort, intention over autopilot, possibility over limitation.

So here’s your challenge: pick one thing from this guide and do it today. Not tomorrow, not next week – today. Because that girl you want to become? She’s ready to meet you halfway. She’s been waiting for you to take the first step.

The only question left is: are you ready to create her?