Can’t find who you want to be? Create Her. A guide to reinventing yourself.

You want to be that girl, but have no idea who she is yet? I will guide you in finding her today. This is a rebrand 101 aka the only That Girl Guide 101 masterclass you will need for the rest of this year.

I love this quote from Friedrich Nietzsche: 

If you kill a cockroach, you’re a hero.

If you kill a butterfly, you’re a villain. 

Morals have aesthetic criteria.

Simply put, our minds circulate around the visuals of a subject. 

Want to hire the best personal trainer? 

Look for someone who is in the shape you want to be.

Want to cook Asian food? 

Find the most traditional looking dishes. 

Want good style? 

Search for people who choose clothes you favour. 

I post vlogs on YouTube and make the biggest, most powerful life altering moves when I am in my lounge clothes talking to the camera without makeup. My deepest thoughts are raw and uncut. However, the videos that perform the best are the ones where I am trying on clothes and yapping about nothing. I thoroughly enjoy creating both, but when I fuse the two for some reason – looking put together whilst chattering about my goals – those videos do not do very well. 

People don’t understand the full process and packaging it takes to present such a finely finished product, but this is where we unravel the thread. I am a firm believer in the Pygmalion effect. If you show up how you want to be / dress for the job you want, you will find a way to get it. It is a form of reverse engineering that helps you tie the string from who you are to whom you wish to become. 

The substance naturally follows and builds a foundation creating the aesthetic you want. When I want to be dressed well and get compliments on my outfit, I do not only take time worrying about my clothes, I worry about my sleep, workouts, healthy food, and entire process it takes me to get there looking and feeling good so much to the point that I am radiating for others to notice. You are an entire package of positive habits, energy, details, but people will simply narrow it down to your outfit or shoes. 

This is the secret that most people miss: transformation isn’t just about changing your appearance or buying new clothes. It’s about understanding that every element of your life contributes to the energy you project into the world. Your morning routine affects your confidence. Your skincare routine affects your glow. Your mindset work affects your posture. Your sleep schedule affects your decision-making. Everything is interconnected.

A really good example of this is if I do not make my apartment aesthetically pleasing, my neck and back hurt. I am currently in the process of decorating it, but also having comfortably functioning furnishings. I need to find good seating that makes me feel good about my decisions, comfort, and excited to come home after a long day.

The woman you want to become isn’t just wearing different clothes – she’s living a different life. She has different habits, different priorities, different energy. And here’s the beautiful truth: you can start becoming her today, right now, exactly where you are.

The Breakdown: 

1. Who are you vs. who you want to be? 
2. Find inspiration.
3. Create your own inspiration.

We are going to take inventory on every facet of your life.

1. Wardrobe + physical appearance: lifestyle, personal style, seasonal trends 
2. Make a list of things you do that you’re proud of vs. not
   1. What you want to change, remove, add
   2. Hobbies + habits
3. Home – create a sanctuary even if it is only one part of your home.
4. Create a moodboard for all the things you want in this chapter. 
5. Surround yourself with beautiful souls (and energy) that have similar dreams. 
6. Go out and do things. Live a full life + invite the people on this list.
7. Use identity vs. motivation.
8. ACTION ACTION ACTION! 

The Three-Step Foundation

1. Who Are You vs. Who You Want to Be?

Before you can transform, you need radical honesty about your starting point. This is not about self-criticism – it is about clarity. You cannot navigate to a destination without knowing where you are starting from.

Take a moment to write down who you are right now. What are your current habits? How do you spend your time? What does your typical day look like? What energy do you bring to rooms? How do people describe you? What are you known for? 

Now, paint a picture of whom you want to become. Not just how you want to look, but how you want to feel, how you want to show up, what you want to be known for, what kind of energy you want to radiate. Be specific. The more detailed this vision, the clearer your path becomes and more accuracy you can put into your daily routine.

2. Find Inspiration

Inspiration is everywhere once you start looking with intention. The key is to be strategic about where you look and what you consume. Your inputs determine your outputs, so curate your inspiration sources carefully.

When looking for visual inspiration, I like to go to Pinterest, Instagram, and sometimes YouTube. All of my social media algorithms are immaculately tailored and I do not want to destroy that. It really benefits me quite a bit. If you want mental or mindset inspiration, I like to go to YouTube to listen to creators I absolutely love, want to think like, be like, or just calm my mind to keep me going in that mental direction. Long form content really keeps me in being consistent with my consciousness. 

But here is what most people get wrong about inspiration: they collect it without taking action. They create Pinterest boards that become digital graveyards of dreams. Instead, treat inspiration as research. Study what draws you to certain images, people, or lifestyles. What specific elements make you think “yes, that’s it”? Is it the confidence in someone’s posture? The simplicity of their morning routine? The way their home feels like a sanctuary?

Tip:

If you can only find one or two creators that inspire you online, follow that even harder. This is better, because you can really hone down on the vision you want for yourself.

For instance, there are less than five creators across different platforms I like to rotate for different aspects of my life. One is for health, the other is for travel and things to do, whilst the other is for a visually pleasing lifestyle. 

I do not look like any of these people, but I love what they are doing and recreate my own version of what they have to offer. However, it is my spin and interpretation of the output, so it looks absolutely original when I do it. 

I create my own inspiration this way for myself (or for others if they are interested online), and it gives finding inspiration a whole new level of depth. You are so inspired that you create inspiration for others, which brings me to my next step. 

3. Create Your Own Inspiration

This is where the magic happens. You stop being a consumer of other people’s lives and start becoming the creator of your own. You become the woman whose life other people screenshot for their vision boards. 

Creating your own inspiration means taking the elements that resonate with you and making them your own. It means experimenting, trying things on for size, and keeping what fits your authentic self while discarding what doesn’t serve you. 

Want more of something? Create space for it. I had clothes sitting in a drawer that I hadn’t worn and giving it away took off a mental load. It made space for a happier, lighter energy and I wanted more of that, so I started looking at other places to make space for this newfound clarity. It made me more money, more opportunities, and more time to create a better life.Creating your own inspiration by doing your own thing is live action, taking inventory of what you want and making space for the new you. 

Take Inventory: 8 Essential Areas

Now we’re going to take inventory of a handful of big parts of your life. This is not about perfection – it is about awareness and intentional design.

1. Wardrobe + Physical Appearance: Lifestyle, Personal Style, Seasonal Trends

Your style should be an extension of who you are becoming, not a costume you put on. Start by putting out the clothes you love wearing. Notice what is missing or needs some tailoring for the new you. Invest in quality pieces or garments that absolutely sing to your soul to bridge the gap between who you are and that girl you designed. 

What I like to do is make a wishlist of what I want that will complement those pieces or update my everyday ensembles for the season. Clean out your closet ruthlessly. Keep only pieces that make you feel confident and aligned with your vision, suits your lifestyle, and aesthetic.

Want to work out more? Find your cutest workout ouitfits and bring them to the forefront of your wardrobe. Whatever activities you are interested in, dress for the occasion. 

Remember, style goes beyond clothes. It is your grooming habits, your posture, the way you carry yourself. Understanding that confidence is the best backbone for every outfit and that feeling good in your skin translates to looking good to others.

Pay attention to seasonal trends, but do not be enslaved by them as Bible. Use them as inspiration to refresh your look, but always filter trends through your personal style lens and what makes sense for your lifestyle. The goal is to look like the best version of yourself, not like everyone else.

2. Make a List of Things You Do That You’re Proud Of vs. Not

This exercise requires brutal honesty and self awareness. Write down everything you are proud of – big and small that is making your life better in this season. Perhaps you are proud that you always make your organise your entire home, or are learning a new language, you are a loyal friend, or that you are working toward a ceritifcation.

Then write down what you are not proud of. It could be that you scroll social media for hours, you gossip, you make excuses instead of taking action, you neglect your health, or certain aspects of it.

Now comes the transformation part:

• What you want to change: Identify specific behaviors or patterns that do not align with who the new moodboard version of you 
• What you want to remove: Bad habits, toxic relationships, negative self-talk, time-wasters aka things that take up space in a negative manner 
• What you want to add: New hobbies, healthier habits, learning opportunities, creative pursuits, and a dash of more curiosity for the world around you

Tip: You do not have to change everything at once. Pick one or two things to focus on each day or week. Build momentum from there.

3. Home: Create a Sanctuary (Even If It’s Only One Part)

Your environment shapes your mindset more than you realise. You cannot feel like your best self in a space that drains your energy or you do not feel proud of. If you cannot renovate your entire home, start with one corner, one room, or even just your bedside table that is ultimately you. 

I look at it and instantly know it’s all about you. That is how recognisable it should be. There should be a designated in your area where you can think like this new person. It should be visually pleasing no matter if you live with a roommate, family members, or your partner. 

You need a space that is yours and yours alone. If you do not live by yourself, or share a space with anyone, there should always be some established, rooted down version of whom you want to be in your home.

Create an area (or entire apartment if you live alone) that reflects who you are becoming. This might mean investing in serious furniture, decluttering ruthlessly, adding soft lighting, displaying books that inspire you, or doing some serious rearranging of furnishings. Your space should feel like a retreat from the world, a place where you can recharge and reconnect with yourself.

4. Create a Moodboard for All the Things You Want in This Chapter

Visual representation is powerful. Create a moodboard that captures not just how you want to look, but how you want to feel, what you want to experience, and what you want your life to look like. Include images of morning routines, workspaces, travel destinations, relationships, hobbies – everything that represents this new chapter. 

You can even add quotes, a mantra, or slogan you want to live by. Sometimes words are what remind me of my standards. For example, the Nietzsche quote in the very beginning of this post. My keyword for the year is aesthetic. When I get my life together surrounding this word, everything else falls into place in for my dream life. 

Here is the key: do not just create it and forget it. Look at it regularly. Let it guide your decisions. When you’re unsure about something, ask yourself: “Does this align with my vision?” If you have a desk, fridge, or planner, I like to keep a tangible version of it. 

To add to that, I like to turn it into one of my wallpaper options on my iPhone or in an album of multiple moodboards for different parts of my life to really zone in on what I want. It works the more specific I get too.

5. Surround Yourself with Beautiful Souls (and Energy) That Have Similar Dreams

You become who you spend time with. This is non-negotiable. If you want to level up, you need to surround yourself with people who are also committed to growth, who inspire you, who celebrate your wins, and who call you higher.

This does not mean abandoning old friends, but it might mean spending less time with people who drain your energy or discourage your dreams. Seek out communities, both online and offline, where you can connect with like-minded people. Join classes, attend events, engage with others who inspire you or live a similar life to the one you want. 

I am lucky enough to have had a group of friends that allowed me to grow within 10 years of knowing them. They are all far more sucessful than me and a thousand times more ambitious. We simply enjoy each other’s energy and life gets better as we grow together.

6. Go Out and Do Things: Live a Full Life & Invite the People on This List

Transformation happens through experience, not just planning. You cannot become someone new by doing the same things you have always done. Say yes to invitations. Try new activities. Keep up with people consistently. Be an anchor for others. Travel, even if it is just to a new neighborhood or restaurant that just opened. Take classes. Attend events. Put yourself in situations where you can practise being the introducing yourself as the new you.

Here is the important part: invite others along. Share your journey. Be the friend who suggests the museum visit, the hiking trip, the cooking class. You will be surprised how many people are waiting for someone to take the lead. A lot of people are lonely and guarded about making new friends, because they do not know what it looks like when someone new comes into their life and makes a conscious effort.

7. Use Identity vs. Motivation

Motivation is fleeting, but identity is lasting. My reason for why I do things changes all the time, but I know I still want to do things. For example, if you say you want to work out your butt so your boyfriend pays more attention to you in that area of gains but you guys break up, then the reason might change into you wanting to simply look more attractive. It is too easy for motivation to change.

What I do instead of using temporary justification is make the new routine a part of my identity by setting it as the my new standard. To exemplify, I breathe air, my hair is black, and I work out my butt regularly. It is a part of who I am and is facts that it is something I do involuntarily. It is a part of the new you’s life period. 

Instead of relying on motivation to change your habits, start changing your identity. Don’t say “I want to work out more for my X, Y, Z reason(s).” Say “I am someone who prioritises her health.” Don’t say “I should read more so I can keep up with X, Y, Z.” Say “I am someone who values learning and growth.” 

This shift in language might seem small, but it is revolutionary. When you change how you see yourself, your actions naturally align with that identity. You stop fighting against your habits and start living from your new identity.

8. ACTION, ACTION, ACTION!

All the planning in the world means nothing without action. Start today, start small, but start. Pick one thing from your transformation plan and do it today. Then do it again tomorrow. And the next day. It usually takes me about two weeks to create a habit consistent enough that it instrinsically becomes integrated into my routine. 

New actions make a new you. 20 minutes doing something is better than 20 hours thinking about doing something. You can have all these plans and useful information in your head, but if you do nothing with it, it’s a lose-lose. You hurt yourself even more knowing these powerful things, but do not use them to your advantage. 

I have encountered a handful of people like this and lose all respect for them, because they never change even if they have all the chances in the world, but dim their own light. Do not be one of these people.

Action creates momentum, and momentum creates transformation. You do not have to wait until you feel ready or until conditions are perfect. You just have to start. Do not let perfection get in the way of your progress. Polish yourself along the way, because once you get started, you will realise you do not want to stop. 

9. Have Discipline To Stay Consistent.

This is something nobody talks about. It is the one thing people cannot take away from you and what makes you great. You walk into a room of people, and they notice you look good from head to toe. This is a sign of doing a good job taking care of yourself. You have nailed the fundamentals by using the everyday information we are given to do said actions, but people do not take accountabiity for it.

In a university classroom, there were students who were asked what it means to be healthy. So manny people had their hands shoot up with answrs of detail on the topic. Then the professor asked how many people were doing the things that made them healthy. Nobody had a hand up. 

Others might attribute it to you having rich parents or getting lucky, because they distance themselves and cannot relate to having such discipline. You have to leave early and drink sparkling water, because you have things to do the next day. Your skin looks good, because you do not do things to jeopardise the nature of your skin, such as sleeping late, drinking alcohol, smoking, not exercising enough. 

These people want things they do not have to be more complex than they are. You know the truth: it is simple and a matter of action. You might not want to hear it, because you are not doing the right thing all the time, but take baby steps to become that person. 

Stay consistent by making it easy for you to be in the shoes of your new self. Keep up with yourself. If you catch yourself falling off, do not completely let yourself fall off. Come back up right away to where you want to be and reset. You always have the next minute to become into the new you by straightening your thinking again. Do the thing especially when you do not feel like it. Double down.

It is way too easy to stay where you are and be comfortable thinking everything is hard. It is hard to be discipline, but to be disciplined and have a good life? I choose my hard, and it is the latter. 

The Daily Practice of Becoming

Transformation is not a destination – it is a daily practice. Every morning, you get to choose who you want to be that day. Every decision is an opportunity to vote for the person you are becoming.

Some days will be easier than others. Some days you will feel aligned and unstoppable. Other days you’ll feel like you are pretending or that you’re not making progress. Both are normal. Both are part of the process. Do the thing especially when you do not feel like it. Double down.

The key is consistency, not perfection. It is better to take small actions consistently than to make dramatic changes that you can’t sustain. Trust the process, trust yourself, and remember that every small step is moving you closer to who you want to become.

Your New Beginning Starts Now

You have everything you need to start becoming the woman you want to be. You do not need permission, you do not need perfect conditions, and you do not need to wait for Monday or next month or next year.

She has been waiting for you to decide to become her. She has been there all along, knowing that this moment would come – the moment when you stopped wishing and started becoming.

The woman you want to be is not some distant fantasy. She is a choice you make every day, in every small action, in every decision to choose growth over comfort, intention over autopilot, possibility over limitation. I heard someone say, Success [or beauty] is rented and the rent is due every day.’

Here is your challenge: pick one thing from this guide and do it today. Not tomorrow, not next week – today. Because that girl you want to become? She is ready to meet you where you are, waiting for you to take the first step.

The only question left is: are you ready to create her?