How to not jump into love because you feel lonely 

Hello, Gorgeous!

A lesson I have learnt the hard way is to not jump into love because you feel lonely.

Never abandon yourself. Your purpose. 

This is a form of settling. 

Warning: It is not love that you are jumping into. It is what you set your sights on hoping to be love. 

You are focusing the energy in the wrong areas when it should be yourself and loved ones around you. Strengthen the relationships around you that already exist. You will never feel like you are missing anything when you remember the strongest versions of love.

Gua sha each time I use the word love.

Romance is not the only type of love to consider.

The ancient Greeks had several words for love because they believed love was not merely one emotion. There are different kinds of love, from passionate romance to deep friendship, selfless devotion, and the love you feel for yourself.

The 8 Greek types of love commonly discussed today.

1. Eros (ἔρως)

Romantic and passionate love

Eros is intense desire, physical attraction, sensuality, and romantic passion. It is the kind of love that makes you crave someone’s touch, feel butterflies, and experience powerful chemistry.

Example: Two people who are deeply attracted to each other and feel an almost magnetic pull.

2. Philia (φιλία)

Deep friendship and mutual respect

Philia is the affection between close friends, companions, and people who genuinely respect one another. It involves loyalty, trust, shared values, and enjoying each other’s company.

Example: Two partners who are also each other’s best friends and confidants.

3. Storge (στοργή)

Familial and familiar love

Storge is natural affection that grows through familiarity, particularly between parents and children, siblings, and family members. It can also describe the comfortable affection that develops between long-term partners.

Example: Feeling at home with someone because of your shared history and the tenderness you have built over time.

4. Agape (ἀγάπη)

Selfless and unconditional love

Agape is generous, compassionate love that seeks another person’s well-being without making affection entirely dependent on what you receive in return. The word is especially important in Christian thought.

Example: Caring for someone during their hardest moments, showing compassion, and wanting them to flourish even when it costs you something.

5. Philautia (φιλαυτία)

Love of oneself

Philautia refers to self-love. It can be healthy, meaning self-respect, self-compassion, and knowing your worth, or unhealthy when it becomes excessive self-absorption.

Example: Refusing to remain in a relationship where you are repeatedly disrespected because you value your own well-being.

6. Ludus (Latin term)

Playful and flirtatious love

Ludus is a Latin word popularized in modern discussions of love, rather than one of the traditional Greek categories. It describes playful affection, teasing, flirting, and the excitement of a new romance.

Example: Playful banter, lingering eye contact, and the thrill of getting to know someone you fancy.

7. Pragma (πρᾶγμα)

Enduring, practical love

Pragma means something closer to practical or enduring love in modern classifications. It describes affection sustained through commitment, patience, compromise, and shared responsibility over time.

Example: A married couple who continue choosing each other through life’s challenges and build a stable future together.

8. Mania (μανία)

Obsessive or consuming love

Mania means an intense, potentially possessive or obsessive form of love in modern classifications. It can involve overwhelming longing, jealousy, fear of abandonment, and emotional highs and lows.

Example: Feeling unable to stop thinking about someone, constantly fearing you’ll lose them, or needing repeated reassurance that they love you.

Which types of love make the strongest romantic relationship?

A lasting romantic relationship can combine several kinds of love at once.

The healthiest relationships often combine passion (Eros), friendship (Philia), tenderness (Storge), and commitment (Pragma), with Agape encouraging compassion and Philautia helping each person maintain their own identity.

One important distinction: intense love is not necessarily lasting love. Eros can be powerful without commitment, and Mania can feel overwhelming without providing emotional security.

Historical note: These aren’t eight universally agreed-upon categories from a single ancient Greek system. Eros, Philia, Storge, and Agape have ancient roots; Philautia is also an ancient concept, while the popular eight-type framework combines traditional concepts with later interpretations. 

Truly loving yourself is one of the hardest things you will ever do.

In my 30s, I am still learning. It is a constant practice that requires patience and grace. 

On this blog, I am consistently sharing my weaknesses and how I am determined to handle situations better. Instead of using movie stars and celebrities to share these lessons, I exhibit the real life–possibly more relatable–stories of a raw, ordinary woman on this earth. 

Moulding myself into the form I deem admirable in my mind is what I contend with daily. 

Love starts with respect.

When you respect someone, you do not have the heart to betray them. 

The decisions you make are energy when this person walks in the room all around inspirational. Everything is better when you respect someone.

Have you ever seen someone being disrespectful and wanted to walk away? 

It can come in the form of an turn-off from someone you do not appreciate.

Or standing up for a friend when she remains quiet. 

Other times, it is accepting yourself the way you are but also working on the things you can control to be better. 

Become the person you would stand up for whilst also being the individual you would clap for once entering a space. 

You will always show up as your best when you love yourself.

On a handful of declining occasions, I found myself to be a weaker version of what I knew to be most formidable amidst certain conditions. 

What you need to do is take a step back and create time for yourself to picture what it is you want to be. 

• Make a list of remarkable qualities you want to emulate. 

• Reorganise your wardrobe to put the garments you wish to wear at the front.

• Declutter your household and devices.

• Prioritise certain people or tasks.

• Apply to a new job that fortifies your accumulated skills. 

These minute subjects seem small but are the foundation for how you see your world. Directly following how you will end up seeing yourself.

When people hear, ‘I need to work on that,’ they are not impressed. 

‘This is something I am working on; does not need to be said. It needs to be done. Possibly by reconstructing your routines, replacing habits, and leaning into where you are weak. 

Be patient with your entire being. 

This is the hardest part. It is also the passage where grace is symbiotic. The two live hand in hand in your mind from now on. Almost interchangeable. 

Waxing poetic about all the things you want to do and dream of being will not take you anywhere unless you practise the ideas and make mistakes. 

Make as many mistakes as you can without hurting anyone, including yourself, then return to the mission.

Find where you are weak within yourself to the point that it does not need work anymore. You laugh at the idea you had weakness in the first place. 

Force yourself to have breaks.

Take a moment when you cannot decide what to do. Do not tell anyone your plans trying to solve an issue you think you have. Ruminate on the problem and wait. 

There is a poignant concept I struggle with: Zugzwang.

Zugzwang (tsook-tsvahng) 

is a German term originating in chess that means a situation in which you are forced to make a move, but every available move puts you in a worse position.

The word combines Zug (“move”) and Zwang (“compulsion” or “constraint”).

Examples of zugzwang

• In chess: Every legal move weakens your position, but you cannot skip your turn.
• In relationships: You feel forced to make a decision, yet either choice risks losing something important.
• In life: Staying in a situation causes harm, but leaving it brings its own painful consequences.
• In business: Every available option carries a disadvantage, and doing nothing is not an option.

Example sentence:

‘After months of indecision, he found himself in zugzwang: confessing his feelings could destroy their friendship, but remaining silent meant losing her anyway.’

Similar words: predicament, dilemma, impasse, catch-22, deadlock, and no-win situation.

The subtle distinction is that a dilemma involves a difficult choice, whereas zugzwang specifically describes being compelled to act when acting makes your position worse.

Leave the situation when it is hard.

I say this with my chest out loud as I type this. From my toes to the screen. My whole body.

Come back when you have a clear head after minding your own business for a period. It will not be forever until you make a decision, but it will be with a better perspective and calm state of mind. This is the most powerful time to make a plan. 

It is rare that the average person excels under pressure, so you need to leave your circumstances to see clearly. 

You do not want to be in a texting argument with quick bouts of disrespect. 

You do not want to answer the first thing on your mind but the gentle response deserved. 

You want to avoid any regret you could possibly cause yourself and others when you initially lit up the room. 

Do not immolate your reputation over one time you acted out of impatience.

Surround yourself with support no matter what.

If you have acquaintances who want to meet, see them. 

Be kind to every stranger you see.

Good friends and family who have been lingering on your messages? They will change your world. 

You can flit around to what day you see fit and circumstances that suit the instant. The more you spread good energy to others, the more it comes back to you. The more invites to the places where you feel good around those who want you around. 

Consider this: you will never miss a beat in your social circle and build a closer connection with more stories to recreate. 

This will be the blanket that keeps you warm at night. You can sleep knowing you have peace in your quiet home respecting yourself. 

Do not let anyone touch you.

Romance can simply be standing next to someone or across the room catching their eye. 

You are a beautiful woman after all. You deserve to be admired. Cherished. But only from afar. Nobody has the right to touch you or has earned the privilege of you letting them in. 

Not in your heart. Your body. Your deepest thoughts.

Remain on the surface with these encounters where men lightly exhibit interest. Reserve this for the special person you plan on spending your life with. 

There are plenty of fish in the sea, but only one will carry you after you have given birth and you cannot walk. Only one will give you the family you dreamt of and is worth waiting for. 

Keep your body and thoughts clean, because you give your power away when you have sex with someone. A part of your soul is shared that is meant for one person to protect dearly.    

Get a hobby and/or pet. Not a boyfriend. 

A hobby of mine became my career. Several times over. (Computers, aviation, and music.)

Diving deep into a subject you love will take you far into building new relationships with precious friends, teach you what you are capable of, and generate a passion that gives you a lust for life.

If you want something living to channel your love into, acquire a pet. 

A pet you adore. Not all are created equal. I see some people with pets and wonder why, but it is not my business. I have owned weird various animals and insects as a child. Now, I have Cashmere. 

The love of my life was allergic to cats and the solution was to give him a room in a two bedroom apartment. Yes, my cloffice (closet-office) is technically Cashmere’s room. 

I kept him because I was worried if the love of my life were to leave–which he did–I would have nothing. 

Unfortunately being right when I did not want to, this sweet little cat was flown across the United States for the sake of his endless love for me, kindness when he listened to my problems, and memories he experienced with me.

There are days you will feel empty. Embrace them.

Pay your bills on time. Learn a new skill and language. Visit a place you have always wanted to go. 

When your heart is truly ripe and ready, it will tell you without obsession over the thought of having something you do not. You are already rich by this point, so a supplementary part of your world is not necessary until the day someone proves they are.

Even when in that relationship, you will sometimes wish of days you were on your own tasting adventures. You will have traversed so far that you can sit down and say,

‘I have done everything I wanted. Now it is time for someone to sit by my side.’ 

Everyone gets lonely. It is part of being an adult handling life on your own. You do not want to depend on someone because that is what they offer. You want companionship for the sake of pure enjoyment, then see how you feel about them in tough situations, and finally be able to count on them. 

Enjoyment > See them in tough situations > Count on them

But only because you want to and choose to. Not because you feel like you are missing something without them. That happens after being able to count on them. 

Do not mistake the lightest form of interaction as love.

Or even infatuation. The slightest of impressions are hardest to read when you are meeting someone the first few times. It takes years to build love. Sometimes a bit faster when the chemistry is great. 

You have no idea who you are dealing with unless you witness them under pressure. 

Do you feel safe and comfortable after the fact?

I have seen men who deemed themselves great falter in the scantest of what one would barely call a difficult situation. 

First dates are always pure judgement, so trust your discernment and instincts where your standards lie. 

Be as picky as possible.

In a day and age where women can have families on their own (I am saving up to freeze my eggs. Only God knows what will happen) and make millions in their business–what matters is how a man treats you through and through. 

Obstacles will arise no matter if it is your birthday. If you find someone truly selfless, a genuine gentleman in his own right, your heart will know. 

Opening the door and covering the bill at a swanky restaurant on your first date will never be enough. I have tipped more when out with girlfriends. 

Do not make excuses for him. If he makes excuses, read him like a book. In your mind or not, you can discuss this openly with him, but most importantly what matters is you. 

There is a relaxed glow you will have where you do not want to get up from the conversation. Sometimes it is unearthing as simply sitting in the room admiring each other for hours with nothing to say after a long day. 

You feel comfortable without forcing yourself to be. At peace in every fire you throw him into. He handles everything with his heart and all his strength, especially you. 

Ready to become the woman you admire? Join The It Girl School for elegant living, self-mastery, refined standards, personal growth. Begin your transformation today at TheItGirlSchool.com.