I want a man quiet and strong like my father.

Hello, Gorgeous!

Recently, I met someone. Two months ago.

I ended things several times as a Turkish person roasts coffee. On and off the flame I would come and go. My heart was conflicted returning, because standards did not match actions.

My heart’s desire was clear but this person was taking their time to step up to my standards. Things take time, yes but there are so many other issues that accumulate dust on my mantel. Trusting the process wrongly, I have learnt this lesson before, so I cut things off when I saw the signs.  

Here is why I was not afraid of my relationship ending in flames.

This is a love letter to the divorced, single parents, and those who choose to be single. I knew this would happen. Trust your gut. Listen when it is quiet or it will teach you loud lessons.

I followed my gut instinct instead of lowering myself to a standard I previously entered in my last relationship. 

Recognising the eyebrows raised by family members and polite disapproval from friends I look up to, I knew this was a dud. However, I believed in him. He himself did not feel good enough. 

The truth is, I am not one to say if someone is not good enough for me. But we were on completely different pages. I need a true gentleman who was probably married before with a child or two. Someone who knows which fights are worth fighting versus when to preserve energy. 

‘I will be on a jet with my girls. Or another man.’

Having been around the block on different continents, people are extremely predictable. Well versed in red flags and seeing them early, my instincts never steer me wrong. I refuse to settle for less when the average friend in my social circle is conquering the world. 

I remember all the love I have for myself, my loved ones and self respect. It is still here and never planned on going anywhere. Some people come into your life to show you what you need to see and leave. Others stay.

‘You don’t even give me a chance!’ he screamed in my ear.

He did not work out and told me I needed to work out certain parts of me. I go to the gym daily. 

He was terrible with money when I had more savings and fiscal responsibility.

His manners were terrible to the point of embarrassment. 

He never apologised when he was at fault and turned the problem around on me. 

He was weak in every subject I found delight in along with racist comments to my culture. 

He brought me down in front of his friends when I did not say a thing. 

He disrespected me in many ways too many times and whined like a child.

Learning plenty from my marriage and temperamental ex, I was boundlessy calm, kind, and patient giving several chances. I want to be married again, but not be walked all over. 

I drew the line and blocked him. Not wishing things were different. I saw what I needed to see and felt what I needed to feel.

I do not need to be taught the same lesson multiple times. 

My immigrant parents did not bring me here for a difficult life. 

I imagine my father’s disgusted silence and my mother’s pain. 

Why does he accept money from you?

A man should never get drunk in front of a woman.

Why does he show up empty handed?

Why does he leave your apartment in disarray?

Why does he wear shoes on your expensive rug?

Why does he not fix your car?

Why are there broken parts to your apartment?

Why doesn’t he take you to nice restaurants? 

Why does he whine? 

Why is his home a mess? He is 36. 

Why doesn’t he work out?

Why doesn’t he know how to protect you with a gun or martial arts? 

Why does he let your fridge go empty? 

Why are you stressed?

Why are you sad? 

Why does he not have a degree?

How can he support you if you have a family? 

The bare minimum that immigrant parents ask when your father was the one who carried the entire family. He did not accept favours or handouts from parents and did everything on his own to support his children. 

This is why I avoid dating men with low standards. 

Especially ones who have more ego than wage. 

More to mouth off about than manners. 

What you bring to the table is stress and it is not even stress in St. Honoré. 

Annoy me in Geneva for all I care after your consistent kind words.

Not even kind words. 

I am not asking for a lot here.

I need a kind husband with a tender open heart. So basic.

Everything is your way without compromise even though you do not know what it is like trying it a different way. You are too angry, scream too much, hurt my feelings too much. I am tired of tolerating this. 

I want a man quiet and strong like my father.

Capable and handy when solving problems.

Thinks for himself when the group is one way.

Artistic and romantic with his words and eyes.

Not much to say except reminding you how beautiful you are or something to make you laugh.

A bodyguard.

A fashionisto.

Sweet in consideration, thoughts, and gestures. 

Turns his world upside down to make sure you succeed.

Gentle and guiding like the moon with the power to sway the ocean. 

Takes you on unmatched adventures that fulfil your heart and mind. 

Wants you to reach your full potential despite the odds. 

Reminds you you are the luckiest girl in the world with his silent look. 

‘You are the type of woman who can have anything and anyone she wants.’

The several men who told me this are in my contacts.

Married friends to a loving wife treating her like a queen. 

Divorced and yearning for a second wind. 

A broken engagement made reservations for a romantic dinner for us 2 at Uchi. 

When in distress with Giuseppe, my mind wandered to another young man who fought in wars across seas, repeatedly expressing how I am the most beautiful girl in the world wanting to see me everyday. 

The grass is not greener. Mine was always greener. He tried to make mine yellow and dead. Not on my watch.

I said no to a few decent suitors, because I was seeing someone who brought me down. 

He knew the life I built was beautiful and said I am unaware of varying ways of life around me. I wanted to respond to him in proficient Tagalog. The language of a third world nation that made me see how hard my parents worked so hard to give me everything. Why spit in their face? For the likes of you wanting me to be with you? I refuse to relate.

My married friends immediately pointed out the issues. The divorced men shook their heads. Family members who have celebrated countless anniversaries sighed. 

I know exactly where the good men are and it is time to give them the deserved chance. Eventually. When the time is right.

But I need some time to myself.

To soften again. Be a girl on my own. My heart is soft with standards strong. Someone weak will always try to bring you down to their stinky apartment that smells like pee and complain you do not drive an hour to see them enough. 

If I asked him to take off work, he would not. Why should I? Never relent. 

No matter how convincing someone sounds–follow your gut. Your standards are not too high.

Your instincts are telling you something true. Your softness deserves protection. Your life deserves a man who adds peace, not pressure.

If you are ready to become the woman who knows her worth, moves with discernment, attracts elevated relationships, and never abandons herself for love.

One elevated standard. A completely different way of moving through the world.