They’re in love with you. But so is everyone else. 

Hello, Gorgeous! 

Have you ever met someone whom you have the spark with?

It is usually on a date, meeting someone fabulous for the first time, or any affair where everyone is on their best behaviour. 

The truth is, some people have that spark all the time with EVERYONE they meet. 

For some, it is not a facade similar to a person who never wears a suit and looks silly in a job interview squeezing into it after a decade. 

Rather, it is authentically who they are. Everywhere they go they bring this same energy ceaselessly because they are not faking.  

This is because that person has come to accept who they are and is constantly working on themselves. 

In other words, they are self aware. Most of the world is not.

The sparkling individual has unlocked the key to what makes others feel she and everyone around her is so great. 

They simply have it. But what is it? 

An It Girl or It Boy who everyone has high praises for will usually have positive, glowing encounters like this. 

Others will say, around them or in private, how they’re such a good guy or such an interesting person. Usually, nobody can pinpoint exactly what it is about them that makes them feel good. 

Simply put, that is all it is. They make others feel good. 

People remember that feeling of being seen and included. It is not common to feel that way with every individual interaction. 

As a matter of fact, there are quite a handful of people whom I do not feel good around or feel not so fabulous after spending time with them. Sometimes, I even feel worse after seeing them. 

These are what I call obligation people. 

Obligation people makes you feel drained because you have to tolerate them versus wanting to actually devote time to seeing them. I highly recommend avoiding these energy vampires.

How obligation people emerge 

As a woman, we are labelled icy b*tches if we tell someone no. Rejection hurts and everyone takes it personally at some point. No matter how small the refusal. 

However, I do not. I suffer from high self esteem and move on with my life. Especially when it is something that does not align with my life goals. 

In order to have life goals, you have to have a bunch of small everyday habits to create small victories. Small losses, create large ones. 

Someone behind will only drag you down. 

If someone talks badly or lives badly behind your back, that is where they will always be. Behind you. 

When I say lives badly, I mean someone who doesn’t have high standards for themselves as you do. They will drag you to their standard with them. 

It is best to cut the cord as soon as possible and protect your peace, energy, and life’s direction.

When you are a kind soul, others want to naturally be around you. 

That will be a consistent given throughout your years, so you have to learn to set boundaries to not let your precious resources go to waste. 

It starts with someone asking for something tangible, your time, or your energy preparing to see them. Over many moments, it feels you are doing more and more work just to put a pleasant expression on your visage to endure their countenance. 

You grow to stop liking this person at all or have to revert to seeing them once a year, so you do not feel depleted. 

Underdeveloped ladies who have not figured out how to filter out the noise as this from their day to day will be fatigued of their hollowed attention towards these obligations. 

You feel even more uninspired when seeing them and find you losing yourself gradually. More precisely, you will become like them. 

It Girls are always inspired. 

They always want to cook, do their hair, dress up, clean their space, workout, take an everything shower, and show up as if it is never a chore. We see the world with a shifting light on many subjects and bring colour with us wherever we go.

Not to sound romantic, but it is God’s honest truth. 

A few of these obligation people have crept into my life when my guard was down, because I was at my worst. 

Here are a couple scenarios where I was confronted with obligation people:

• After my divorce and felt lonely
• When I was working a job I hated because I needed to – sometimes you have to do what you need to survive 
• When I simply did not say no to hanging out with someone, because I did not want to hurt their feelings

Notice the pattern?

They entered my life during times of desperation. Desperation is a form of scarcity mindset. I have an entire post on how to enter your anti-desperation era and stop chasing here.

These were weak moments where I was in the midst of weak rationality, because I was taking what I could get versus choosing myself. 

You can have anything and anyone you want.

Not simply who is around at a certain time that you settle for.

You alter your reality every second you decide to. 

Now that I did the immense labour it took to get back on my feet and thrive, I took others up with me. Whether it was the wrong people or not, the ones who could not keep up with my speed and inertia were immediately left behind.

I noticed this with friends I admired as well. My rich friends.

Not only monetarily, but the ones who have the dream family, social circle, and incredible businesses they put blood, sweat, and tears into building from the ground. 

Some moments, they carried me, others I lifted them by giving extraordinary experiences they could not stumble upon anywhere else.

If you understand the pack mentality of dogs, rich people tend to think like this. 

Growing up, someone I knew had a dog who ran away because they were growing older and sick. 

When dogs know their life is coming to an end, they run away to not drag the pack down out of painful consideration. Some poisonous apples do this to others, because they are not self aware with the pack mentality of these dogs.

There is something wrong with their thinking that could have risen from a toxic environment growing up, or still live in it somehow. You want to avoid these people. I know plenty of people who had a rough upbringing but figured out how to make it out. 

As an example, I grew up with terrible parental abuse from my stepmother growing up, but I never let it affect me, because we resolved our issues and I always find a way to immediately solve my problems. 

How to engage in rich pack mentality

You affect absolutely everyone around you, so you have to show up as your best even at home for yourself. 

I tend to do this in monk mode to work on myself internally to reconstruct my identity capital. 

This can reveal its head in working out unvaryingly, moving towards a goal systematically, and getting addicted to becoming a better person who makes others smile all around. 

You cannot have the consideration of others without taking care of yourself first, or else you slowly become the bad apple or sickly dog that everyone has to wait on when you’re trying to get to a destination. 

This is why barriers come in to make you have blinders on for a period of time working on yourself, so you can come back and reset with the pack. 

Simple things as 

• Cleaning your space: home, office desk, and car
• Organising your clothes
• Meal prepping
• Slow mornings doing things for you
• Maintaining your steady routines 
• Taking care of your body: hygiene, workouts, beauty
• Content you consume: lack of social media, reading well, creating beautiful thoughts 

All of these things affect the way you show up for yourself first, then others. 

Having It is a nice way of saying you are put together.

Something I get all the time is people say I am put together. 

People will genuinely try to test this. It can show up in the form of parties testing your knowledge in a subject or inviting you out. 

I have people do this all the time where they try to catch me at a weak moment, but this never occurs. 

When you engage in a rich pack mentality, that is simply being put together: 

1. Show up for yourself first.
2. Then others.

This person is in love with you. So is everyone else.

Get in line. 

Take a number. 

Join the waitlist. 

Oh you think we have the spark?

You. Just now. Noticed I am fabulous?

You’re kind of late. Everyone else already knew.

You’re welcome. 

The people who have the spark are not rare. It is those who encounter them who do not have it who think this. 

I have cultivated a wonderful circle of friends and family over the years who are all lucky people that have that spark and people are always surprised that all my friends are this way. 

People literally tell me this all the time. 

It is because I recognised the strengths and weaknesses in myself, so I can work on what I can all the time. I am constantly inspired by those around me. 

Those who are working on themselves recognise this, because they understand the secret language of this within their state of mind. 

This way when new people meet you, they say

You can have anyone you want. Why me? 

I choose you.

You are part of my pack. 

It might not be declared out loud, but the people with the spark keep spending time with you. 

Ready to Become the Girl Everyone Feels the Spark With?

If you’re tired of feeling drained by the wrong people, second-guessing your energy, or shrinking yourself to keep others comfortable—it’s time to shift.

Inside TheItGirlSchool.com, you learn how to embody the kind of presence people don’t forget. The kind that walks into a room and quietly changes the atmosphere. The kind everyone is drawn to—but no one can quite figure out why.

We don’t chase attention here. We become the standard.

Learn how to:

• Build unshakable self-awareness and presence
• Set boundaries without guilt or overthinking
• Attract the right people—and naturally repel the wrong ones
• Step fully into your It Girl energy in everyday life

You don’t need to be louder. You need to be aligned.

✨ Join TheItGirlSchool.com and start becoming the person everyone feels the spark with—but only a few truly get access to.

Your energy is the filter. Your life is the result.