How to enter your anti-desperation era & stop chasing

Hello, Gorgeous!

Scarcity mindset is a form of desperation. 

Have you ever stayed longer in a relationship, because you 

• Wanted to go on a trip you were planning together? 
• Needed a place to stay while you searched for a new one out of panic? 
• Did not want to be alone? 

If the answer is yes for any of these – you need to love yourself. If you said no but have a full closet with nothing to wear, it is the same idea. 

I am not saying this in a condescending manner but with a glass of sparkling water and genuinely warm hug.

Shopping for a husband is similar to shopping for a pair of trendy shoes. You have to understand whether this is only for a season or an exceptional and everlasting essential. 

You need to get obsessed with choosing yourself. Especially when it is hard. 

Self respect takes practice and you need to stop operating from a place of need and want. 

There are tasks that you have to do such as laundry, fix your hair, and have an outfit ready. Then there are supplementary items that add to your life but are not necessary. 

You do not need this boy du jour, a new pair of trendy shoes you don’t like that much, or an expensive experience. You need a hobby and taste. In other words, you need to understand your long term vision for yourself. 

It is not your time yet. 

If your entire life is being rushed for this one particular choice that has a deadline it does not preserve your dignity.

Dignity comes with timeless decisions. 

If something is on sale for a few hours, it will either come back on sale or be sold out and you did not die. You are a better woman for it. 

We are abundant It Girls and have no time for such matters.

Here is exactly how to stop chasing and start attracting your dream life. 

Stop making excuses for backwards priorities.

Recently on a night out with my girls, a man approached me in flirtatious conversation. 

I expressed that I was not interested without explaining myself. 

It motivated him to work harder, eventually leading him to the conclusion that he should ask me to move in with him, for reasons only he knew.

Humouring him, I replied, Take me on a date first.

He looked SHOCKED as if to say, Why should I take you on a date?

Aside from the alarms that sounded off in my head, the question that shook my mind was Why are your priorities a** backwards?

The truth is a lot of people think this way. Unfortunately. Can’t relate.

I used to think that if I wanted to fit in a dress for an event, I should not eat for two days. 

Instead of properly nourishing my body, getting enough rest, working out consistently, and staying hydrated to feel good mentally and physically, I created a bad habit. 

If I did all those simple things, I would look fabulous in anything I put on. But we do not think about the long term affects our short term decisions have at the moment. 

Instead, think about future you.

She is a valuable person. You do not want her to have pain. 

I love living in the moment. I also love ice cream. The problem is I will be sitting up in bed for several hours and have a hard time sleeping, because I am lactose intolerant. 

Tonight Gia will say no to ice cream and order the chocolate cake for dessert instead. Also, she does not want to be bloated in this fabulous gown she researched for hours to find for this event. 

Tomorrow Gia will thank her and look back fondly on the photos without the eye bags and stomach ache. 

She is also more inclined to share those photos and talk about the memories proudly for years to come with her loved ones when they reflect instead of trying to hide them or come up with a comedy routine to cover up her blunder. 

Stop explaining yourself. 

You know where you want to go and nobody is going to stop you from getting there.

Not a handsome, successful man in a suit who says all the right things but only plans on spending one night with you. 

Not even a glamorous woman who says you can have a free haul of Manolos if you go on vacation with her when you know you cannot afford to take the time off. 

Those who get it get it. These are your people. Start spending more time with them. They are probably pretty cool.  

They will define their boundaries as you did and hold your decision in sincere regard. 

You attract healthy people by being healthy yourself, because they instantly recognise your similar disposition. 

People who twist their face up at what you have to say or feel uncomfortable so they try to make you feel the same, see the world through a different lens. Avoid that group. 

Why is it hard to understand that I do not want to do drugs so I can be in control of my faculties? Nobody is taking advantage of me tonight. 

Why do you want to do that to your brain when you say you want to function better at work or acquire a new skill whilst enfeeble your own mechanisms?

Understanding your boundaries and creating an unyielding barrier for entry is a non-negotiable. 

This decision starts with you and spreads awareness to the people at the party that you have standards not up for discussion. You can always walk away to a new crowd of people and introduce yourself to someone new. 

Or you can go home, because this party sucks anyway and there is nobody cool. Why can’t people be normal and not pressure you for their gain? Ugh. As if. 

You are better off at home making something healthy to eat in the comfort of your favourite program and have yourself an early night. Or FaceTime a friend about it and laugh together. 

There is always an excuse to take care of yourself.  

Walking away is so sexy.

It makes you more scarce and shoots up your value. What makes a Ferrari F60 so valuable is the fact that there were only 10 units produced. Funny how the world works. 

Forms of these boundary-negotiators might also take shape in a boy who breadcrumbs you, a coworker who never does what they say, or an acquaintance who never shows up to invites. Walk away from these people! 

That boy didn’t even get you the nice Uber to a restaurant anyway. He asked you on a date meaning he invited you over to his place at 11pm in a regular Uber. Nnnnno thanks. 

All of a sudden they will say you think you’re too good for them or value your judgement for future reference. 

That guy feels your silence and texts you nonstop. That coworker gets fired and wishes they still worked with you at the nice office with higher pay. That acquaintance says they never see  you anymore and invites you to an event where you might meet interesting new friends. 

Simply because you knew your worth and walked away.

Dream bigger. For yourself.

If there are external factors that you think you need the acceptance, fulfillment, or happiness from – that thing is not for you. 

I have a friend who recently entered my domain of business and was surprised that she found abundance in this industry. 

The cliché rolled off my tongue a little too easily, Welcome to the club. 

I said this with a smile on my face nodding and was a little taken aback by the fact that she never thought it was possible her success would transpire. It did not even cross my mind that people do not believe in themselves. Or conjure up such possibilities. 

Okay, I dream a little too big at times. I am always ahead of myself (and the curb). But being a little bit delulu can be the solulu for the right priorities.

For instance, if I want to make a sale, I would call 100 people to see how many people purchase my offer. If 10 people buy, that means I have a 10% conversion rate. To scale my business, I would hire a team of people to call thousands a day using my script and tone to scale said sales. Yesterday I could eat, but today I can feast.

It’s that easy. Work backwards from a goal! 

Sometimes you do not expect your winnings and win even more, so you have to aim even higher. 

What was that platitude? Reach for the moon and you land on a star. Either way you win when you are delusional about focusing your efforts on the proper course. 

There is so much out there meant for you. You deserve the world, the moon, the stars, and more. I tell this to my sweetheart and my friend who never even imagined what she could do. 

You already have everything it takes. Now, it is a matter of filtering what you want to elevate you higher. 

Ready to stop chasing and start attracting your dream life?

Join The It Girl School and learn how to set unshakable boundaries, fall obsessively in love with yourself, and step fully into your anti-desperation era. Your future self is waiting—let’s make her proud.