I want stability over excitement: How one man restored my faith in love

Hello, Gorgeous!

In a previous post, I mentioned how I started dating after a few months of putting a painful breakup aside. Taking time to myself was extremely imperative as I do not want to jump into one relationship after the other. 

Not wanting to jynx or give too much away, mum’s the word. 

Recently, I met someone truly lovely. 

It turns out he is in the same boat. It is early to say we are together as a unit, yes. But he has restored my faith in love for many reasons. 

Never in my life have I wanted to date myself, but we genuinely have so much in common. He pointed this out as we ping ponged back and forth our interests, state of mind, and sweeping perspectives. 

Aside from being a French former rocket scientist who retired young, we both live fearlessly with no holding back on adventure. When it comes to taking matters of romance step by step, we see eye to eye. 

I was not entirely despondent, because I get proposed to every night I go out by eligible gentlemen. Ones I have no affinity for. Surrounded by successful men, I only have to find the one I look at with fondness. 

There was a strange period where I gave up on finding love. 

• Stopped dating. 
• Forgot about talking to the opposite sex. 
• Focused on building my life again. 

All the wonderful parts of life that make you an upstanding individual with identity capital. I feel so rich. 

I am the empress who possibly has found an emperor. Whether he is for my kingdom, it is too premature to declare. In these nascent stages, he has taught me to be practical. Such an unprecedented notion to me. 

Reality became more romantic than fantasy

Living in a delusional world where I flourish dreaming, the clarity of his persistence in meeting me in person once in a while over texting all day has shattered my previous humanity. 

The one where I requested words to encourage love bombing, enable empty promises, and disappoint myself with great expectations. 

If this does not work out, he has shown me who I used to be before I met my ex. A person grounded in a positive reality. 

After all, I composed it for me. He simply pointed out how I constructed something powerful to begin with. The woman he met when I was being myself. 

Lasting love is stable and slow.

My heart aches from whirlwind romances. Sentiments shared through stupid texts before a date that was lousy and made me feel low after the event. 

In lieu of clenching to a misguided fantasy, I am knocked back down into the beautiful life I built for myself. It is not bad at all. I land on my feet. The days I see him, I land in his arms. Life is full. 

By all means, marry: if you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.

Socrates

Having a full private life himself, I do not want to bruteforce my way into someone else’s existence. 10 years ago I made this mistake unsuccessfully only to find out how much of an imposter I was. 

Letting developments unfold organically is easier said than done. I want to be a priority in his life and know this will not happen after one or two dates. Perhaps even years. 

I am willing to make the trade, because I want years. Someone to live a real life with rather than move in after a few weeks. 

We already fit with the first date representatives. My father always told me ‘It is not your time’, or ‘Little by little. These words never steered me wrong. 

I want years side by side with a man I admire.

Being patient is weirdly a strong suit of mine. 

There is a wisdom that time teaches that cannot be illuminated in a single lesson. 

Something I always keep in the back of my mind when mastering a subject is time is your friend. Good things take time. 

To master a PhD in someone, it will take years to make a thesis and come to a conclusion. I do not want a bunch of one night stand GEDs. I want to learn someone like the back of my hand with grace. 

Time is something we are both short on, so when we are together we make it count. 

My past toxic trait is thinking passionate admissions mean love.

I used to want to be shaken and slapped by a man screaming he loved me. Instead, that man treated me like a faucet, only turning me on with words when he needed something. 

That man punished me with silence when he did not get what he desired. That is not love. 

A grown up relationship

He respects my time and life.

I feel as if I have finally blossomed with clear communication and mature conversations. 

Each time I am in a long term relationship, I get better at uncovering what it means to love. Giving better when it comes to my best each time is becoming a strength. 

I do not want to rush, because look at where rushing has taken me. Into nothing but disaster. 

Still with fire, he engages. But this time I have air to breathe, time with loved ones, and a consistently organised home. I feel so put together. I feel like a woman. 

Hey Siri, play ‘Bunny is a rider’ by Caroline Polachek.

He embraces my standards because he has them too. 

Without a cheeky smirk, I never have to explain. He has impeccable manners. Surprised he is not plucked from the 19th century, I realise he is a real man. 

Rooted in tradition, composure, and steadiness, I can relax and be silly. Light. Make jokes without criticism. Dance in my apartment with him thinking me radiant. 

I have to really sit down with a man and spend countless hours with him to be my childlike self. Otherwise I am tense, in survival mode, trying to prop myself up in dialogue. 

He stands up for me when I need him, makes me feel remarkably safe, and I can stand behind his mountainous stature without someone spotting me from the front. I love it. 

When he walks into a room, he makes other men want to sit up straight, cross their legs, and fix their lipstick. 

Before him, I felt like a sex toy. 

At the past few gatherings and past dates, boys would want to touch me and talk to me as if I was there to only fulfill their desires. 

I do not want to share my body with strangers. Not even a kiss. At one point, I had to beg a man to let me out of his car from him wanting to force…naked action. 

Sometimes, men only stare for a straight minute. Then go back to talking. Then stare in stillness even when I am not speaking. It is immensely uncomfortable. 

I felt like a show even when fully dressed and modestly covered. 

My heart is unbreaking. 

He listens even when he looks away. Casting his eyes down, he reacts in a softer tone. I see his feelings even though he does not say anything. Reading people is my fortitude.

Opening up so much on our second date, he dubs it on multiple occasions ‘the best second date ever’. Apologising for being vulnerable, I remind him that I cherish what is on his heart. 

Instead of loving the idea of love, I can finally love a man as himself. 

Eventually. Give me time. Monsieur Escargot, thank God for you. No, he does not like escargot. Let’s call him turtle. Monsieur Tortue. 

He does not like to be flashy and neither do I. Embarrassed by a past boyfriend looking like a fool on dates covered in logos without sponsorships, I cringed in my mind. I excused it by calling it his culture, but the truth was: he was not for me. 

I am not comparing. I am relieved that I can ultimately relax and thrive with a man like him. 

The peace I was yearning for

A gift he has given me is not a promise of forever, but a reminder that I was already whole before someone arrived. 

Love does not have to come as a storm that destroys everything in its path. This is the lasting kind that quietly builds beside you, brick by brick, while you continue becoming yourself.

I still do not know where this chapter will lead, but for the first time in a long time, I am not trying to force the ending. I am grateful to be living the story.

If this is what love is meant to feel like, I will gladly trade the chasing fireworks for a warm home, a dependable hand, and a man who makes me feel safe enough to finally be soft without hours of screaming first.

Becoming the woman you desire to be starts long before the right person arrives.

It starts with how you carry yourself, the standards you set, the life you build, and the way you choose to show up every day.

Inside The It Girl School, we explore the art of becoming that woman — through elegance, confidence, etiquette, self-worth, beauty, and intentional living.

If you are ready to refine your life, elevate your standards, and step into your most graceful era, I would love to welcome you inside.

Join me at TheItGirlSchool.com ✨