The ultimate guide to dating as an elegant feminine woman

Hello, Gorgeous!

It is currently June 2026 as I write this and there are no definitive guides for this decade of dating without sounding as if I am either from the 19th century or a certain colour pill. At least, that is what I have been told.

Disclaimer: I do not subscribe to being any pill or method of thinking other than traditional with an update as an independent woman who wants to have it all. The universe has no budget, so we are not asking for much.

Here is how to navigate dating in the age of apps and anti-social internet culture.

This is much simpler than you can imagine and people make a fuss of it by involving energy and feelings. As a lady of propriety, you already have high standards. Because of this, your filter will be easier.

You will have a funny story to share at your wedding or find the love of your life.

Ask around first.

See all the successful relationships around you? They are there for a reason.

In my 30s, I have friends hunkering down starting families. What I did was ask them how they met as they referred me to a dating app that suggested another better one on the same page. We will get into this more in a bit.

Ask your parents, friends of parents, friends, and especially those you look up to in your community. Some will say they met someone at an airport, restaurant, or membership club. It is never that difficult as long as you frequent the right places online or in person.

You never know what you are going to get, but a referral from someone trustworthy will be a challenge to steer you wrong. It is possible you might not be interested in the person, but an introduction helps as you might have seen this individual as a long time family friend or acquaintance.

This is a huge green flag. It means they are consistent in your life to begin with and you are more likely to cross paths. Time is your friend here as they are not someone you might immediately think of, but will gradually see in a new light.

Dates should not be exciting and romantic at first.

Keep this in mind as I personally believe romance is a symptom of a good date.

Falling in true love happens over time. Infatuation is what people write tragedies and comedies about. We know Shakespeare today because he made a career of it.

The popular Turkish expression about falling in love twice states:

“If you truly love someone, you love them twice.” [1]

The concept highlights two stages of love:

The First Time: Falling for the attraction, the spark, and the easy-to-love, polished version of the person.
The Second Time: Falling in love after the “mask comes off”. It is the mature, deeper connection that happens when you accept their flaws, scars, and vulnerabilities, turning love from a fleeting feeling into a promise.

First dates should simply be for meeting.

You are gauging if you find someone attractive as a whole.

Do you find their appearance worthy of swooning?

Is their energy something you can handle?

Can you picture yourself having disagreements with this man?

At first glance, I try to imagine myself arguing with someone to see if I still like them. It definitely helps. Especially after having dated a troublesome person.

Do you envision them sitting in silence and ignoring you for a few days or calmly working things through? These are imperative questions that are costly in future if you do not choose wisely.

Set the stage with something simple if they ask you out.

If they do and ask you for suggestions of locations to seek your attention–do not go over the top. You want him to feel comfortable when he tries to impress you.

He will invest after he gets to know you and your tastes more for a second or third date and really dedicate to astonish you. Or at least exhibit what captivates him. This is effort and we appreciate it here.

I have done my fair share of scaring men away with an extravagant lifestyle and this is something they can learn over time.

They will either stay and learn or run away, because they reject the man they have to become with you.

Manage your expectations.

At this point, I do not get excited for dates. People who get excited will be let down to only find out they are meeting another human being.

You can also be yourself when you are calm and not trying to put your best foot forward. There is a dignity in already doing that in your everyday life.

Stoicism is not a form of being guarded, but a discipline in letting the world naturally unfold around you. Move with grace and let the person in front of you delight you with finding out values you have in common, skills, and interest you could partner in developing further.

In other words, a life built side by side brick by brick without the pressure or stress of wanting more. You are living in the moment.

When to get excited: 3 periods

The third date

I made a couple rules for myself on when to get excited. In the past, I have noticed the third date is when you have a better sense of the person.

This is when you can sincerely get to know them, what their habits are, and their modus operandi.

You cannot run away from yourself as well and start to anchor yourself in what life can be with this person included in your routine. Whether it is throughout the week or the next season.

6 months

3 months is when you decide if you want to stay with this person. 6 months is starting to become devoted.

I used to think 2 weeks was a great time to feel love, but that is C R A Z Y. This is still the honeymoon stage and you want to know what life feels like when this wears off.

6 months is a great period to reflect if this person adds positively to your life or causes you more stress than anything else.

2 years

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According to studies, 2 years is when the facade falls. The honeymoon phase is definitely over.

I heard of variations of sayings regarding this:

The fake version of men on the first few dates is fire.

Why do you want to know my type? So you can pretend to be him for 2 weeks?

People cannot hide who they truly are after 2 years, because they get comfortable. It can be a good thing or bad thing depending on who they genuinely are.

I would sleep on it for a couple weeks or months after the 2 years. Then make a move on whether to cut the cord or carry on forward. If the mission is a go–this is when to get excited.

How to tell if your relationship is healthy.

There was plenty of clinical research done by psychologists on how to tell if your relationship is healthy.

I have 2 ways.

The study version:

For every dispute you have, the ratio should be 5:1. Every 5 positive interactions, there will be 1 negative. This is perfectly healthy and successful relationships thrive in this arena.

When it is too positive or 11:1, there is an imbalance and the same goes for even less positive interactions before reaching 5. In essence, there might be abuse, hiding things, or a situation where someone cannot be themselves.

My version:

When you have something beautiful that happens, take a photo or screenshot.

This can be as simple as a loving text or experience you shared.

The same should be done for when something negative occurs.

Why? A lot of people have an extremely difficult time with breakups, because they have a ton of beautiful photos in their phone full of cheerful memories. This is not reality.

Record every good and bad and keep it in an album on your phone, so when you look back you remember the truth with evidence plain and simple.

In my last long term relationship, I kept holding on to words with no deadlines that never turned to actions. Those screenshots of photos on romantic dates kept moving further and further away as I scrolled through my phone. There were way more screenshots of him cursing me out in text and being angry in general making my life difficult.

I would forget it when I saw a photo of us smiling together in a garden. Do not be fooled by your authentic account of real life.

If there is negative data outweighing the good–it is time to leave. The other way around? Keep him.

To dress sexy or not to dress sexy

You are already attractive.

You spend a fortune in time, energy, and money in looking and feeling good. As do some men. I know of men who spend more on their health routine to look good over what I spend on makeup and skincare alone.

The etiquette is it all boils down to the time and place. What is appropriate. I believe you do not have to dress sexy 100% of the time, but wear clothes you feel flatteringly stunning in.

It can be a particular colour, cut, or style that expresses your personality. My go-to is a wrap dress and comfy stilettos I can run in. Something comfortable to hold hands in and skip together. Especially if he makes me feel safe and brings out my inner child.

A family member once told me,

A good looking or well dressed person delays getting to know them or a breakup for 3 weeks.

You want to be able to flirt or simply be yourself and move around. I always end up dancing wherever I am on a date or not, so I need something with gentle movement.

After 6pm, all bets are off. You are donning a dress to the nines and full glam.

I know a woman who set a rule for herself to never show any skin on dates. She is now married to a wonderful man. Do what works for you.

The point is to never diminish yourself and bring your smiling, glowing energy.

If a man talks about sexy things too early–it’s a red flag.

Avoid sharing your body. It is only a date.

I do not like being touched. STAND OVER THERE.

Do not look at me. Do not breathe on me. I prefer if men are across the room.

I am kidding. It is actually nice to flirt and touch someone’s arm or hold their hand.

Yes, it is important to see if you are physically compatible so that you are not marrying a dud.

However, I do not like to kiss on the first date. This is entirely up to you. Instead, I prompt them with determination by saying how I would be pleased to see them again.

I cannot tell you what you are feeling in the moment, control your ovulation phase, or be there to shake you.

The truth is: you do not even know this guy. You owe him nothing.

A family member in their golden years once told me,

The older you get the more dates you wait to get in bed together.

What I have noticed is people act differently after you do the do. They have post nut clarity and you want to see how they really act with steady effort after a couple dates.

It is a red flag if a man texts too much.

If he keeps texting and wants to be in the ‘talking stage’ *gag* forever, stop talking to him. He is wasting your time.

He has a bajillion reasons to ask you out and see you in person or talk on the phone, because he is a grown man with a job/business/things to do in his life everyday with tons to be done.

The reason texting for 5ever is a red flag is because he is falling in love with a fantasy of you. Instead of seeing how you react in person, your energy, how you flirt and gel with him in real time.

It also means he most likely has terrible social skills. Disregard these men at all costs.

A guide on dating apps

This is the only clear, concise guide to dating apps you will need.

Your profile

Have clear photos of your face and another of your full body head to toe.

Group photos are studied to be less effective, because people are not certain who you are yet. I also noticed this with my experience trying to fish out a man in a photo.

Say what you honestly want.

I tell people immediately that I am traditional, seeking marriage and children in a cheeky way, because I am a sassy person but still with a sense of humour so it lands softer. It also weeds out the men who appreciate this.

I state my religion–Jewish–and this could be something about your values if you are not religious. State what you spend a lot of time on and if you have a pet. No paragraphs. Everything is simple.

Your correspondence

If a man asks you out right away–fabulous. If he does not, do not force him to.

If he wants to chat forever and you find yourself losing focus on the goal–stop talking to him. He likes to waste his time but do not let him waste yours.

If a man does not eventually ask you out or at least for your number–stop talking.

Men who are ambitious act fast. Especially the ones who know what they want. When gentlemen see something they want, they take it right away.

We like those men here, because you will be snatched up really quickly. You are a catch and that is fact.

He should pay on the first date.

This is why first dates should be simple. Remove pressure immediately.

Do not try to create a diamond out of coal the moment you meet. Unless he suggests leading, you are along for the ride to relax and be yourself.

Otherwise, more luxurious dates will present themselves on their own as time passes and you grow more comfortable with each other. There will be less awkwardness.

If he cannot afford your first date, he should be searching for a job–not a girlfriend.

You still offer to pay and mean it with your heart as you would, because sometimes dates go awry and you need to get out of there. Have cash on you ready so you can run out and pay for yourself.

Something always comes up and if you have a terrible feeling–you do not owe him anything. Do not waste your time or theirs.

You can use the Tomo ai texting app to automatically text you at a certain time that something bad happened or have a friend FaceTime/call for an ‘emergency’. I have done this and it saved me from a catfish who was 20 minutes late.

Take turns.

You do not have to take him out somewhere nice, but cook at home for him.

Show him your resourcefulness and sharpen your skills. Or order in for a simple date at your home.

Something I learnt living in Paris is that it is tacky to split the bill. You take turns covering each other.

When it is my turn, I cook. When we are celebrating something, I take him out somewhere glamorous that I frequent. Keep things comfortable for both of you by giving your best effort as a good sport in this partnership.

If you want him to take you somewhere nice, ask him to take you somewhere romantic. Then ask for something simple in between. Be selectively high maintenance and work together as a team.

At the end of the road, you will be wiping his butt and pushing him in a wheelchair. Or he will eventually for you.

Eat a little bit before your date.

My father taught me this rule to get away with literal murder.

He said that sometimes at a fine restaurant you might be waiting for a while for your food and you intend to focus on your date. Not the ambiance around you or dining.

Avoid being hangry. Some men might piss you off for absolutely no reason and it is only because you need a bowl of soup.

Your dining etiquette should naturally be impeccable, because you have many free guides here. Be consistent in practising at home by yourself, so it is like breathing out in the world.

Also, you can think clearly when you have had a bit of protein without blood sugars fluctuating.

It does not have to be an entire meal, but a quick bite to sustain you for energy. For me, it is a touch of caffeine and an egg or sushi. I usually have these at home.

Floss, brush, mouth wash. Bring a tongue brush with you in your bag.

Never come hungry unless you already know the person and your comfort level with them.

If he says he is a gentleman without doing gentlemanly things–this is a red flag.

Words mean nothing to me as I grow older.

Time and consistent action moves the needle so far ahead.

Especially when I come from a culture where having money is good health and the wellbeing of your wife is the centre of your universe bringing you good luck for you, your children, and your children’s children.

It is one thing if he does the thing he says and mentions he is a gentleman. But gentlemen usually show this rather than say it. Those guys are keepers and there are so many ways to recognise this.

Some people’s idea of being a gentleman is opening a door for a woman and saying excuse me. That is bare minimum.

For the true blues, it is being there and doing the things that matter like making you feel comfortable, taking care of the bill without putting stress or pressure on you, and taking the weight of the world off your shoulders.

‘Don’t be so formal,’ is something I always hear.

But this is the way I organically am.

Have a sense of propriety, because you are a lady. I believe in you.

You can curse, you can laugh loud, you can get up to act out a joke and engage with your full personality. But never forget your kindness.

Tip like a Rockefeller when parking your car if your date does not pick you up for safety reasons of not giving your address. Worst comes to worst, the valet can help you escape as fast as possible if need be.

Bow when you need to if it is in your culture. Show respect for everyone around you. Be how you would normally act. To clarify, be your(polished)self.

You carry honour and never let it drop.

Do not take yourself seriously and remember to laugh.

Always smile even when things are uncomfortable and show grace. Excuse yourself politely if you are at maximum. Be generously courteous always.

Finding love is not always easy, so when you are your elegant feminine self, you will find it faster by leaving earlier, having everyone smile around you, and it will not only be your date falling in love with you.

You inspire love in others and that is a superpower. I wish you the best of luck you created for yourself.

Join The It Girl School

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Inside, you will learn the art of feminine confidence, modern etiquette, elegant dating, personal branding, and becoming unforgettable in every room you enter.

You do not find your dream life by waiting for it—you become the woman it cannot ignore.