Are boyfriends really that embarrassing?

Yes. 

I say yes in a really light funny tone. Not necessarily a heavy yes. But answering the question with a quickness.

Enough said. 

It should be right? 

Right?

Boyfriends can be a touch embarrassing. 

Typically, I am not one to find a fixer-upper and pray for the perfect package. Heck, I married the perfect package. I know they exist. My friends married them and have children with their last names. 

Gents, please learn to read a room. I married the perfect gentleman. Well, the on-paper guy. Perfect on paper. Not so perfect in social situations. But you give and take. 

Otherwise, what I like about him was the fact that he had a really good steady career that showed his disciplined side. When he saw how much I wanted to live and spend when we would have a family, he got his act together to create a retirement plan for me ASAP.

But that’s why he was a husband. Notice the difference between actions and terms. This is not Why are husbands embarrassing.

Why are boyfriends embarrassing?

The first reason why they mortify me is because they don’t understand your girls– or at least 85% of what it means to be a girl. Your friends are another species to them. They make the effort to understand you, because they are attracted to you. Other than that, men are aliens who do not speak our language. 

As a formerly married woman at the not so ripe age of 23, I am not misandrious and have decentralised men for almost a decade. 

Interesting study: People who marry in their 20s are 60% more likely to divorce.

‘It’s not just a simple “if you marry young you’ll definitely divorce,” but marrying very young (especially in early 20s) is statistically linked to a greater likelihood of divorce than marrying later — often interpreted as due to factors like emotional maturity, financial stability, education level, and life goals changing after early adulthood.’

Couplesanalytics.comhttps://couplesanalytics.com/science/relationship-success-by-age-research/?utm_source=chatgpt.com

Put simply, you are not a full grown human unless your cerebral cortex has fully developed, which is around your mid to late twenties, depending on multiple moving factors. Environment, genetics, etc.

This is why some people advocate for people to not use social media until this stage has occurred. Amongst other things. 

They speak when they don’t understand the assignment.

When you want communication they don’t interact. When you do not, they talk too much. 

I asked a simple yes or no question – on multiple occasions – where my boyfriend made a longwinded rant about how he was too tired to answer my quick question that could have been sufficiently answered with a simple yes or no.

It is usually a question for their benefit. Then they complain, ‘Stop doing things for me! I never forced or asked you to do them!’ After, they complain you don’t do anything for them. Make up your mind. 

This is the time to pick up your things, walk out of the room, and never come back. Change your name. Change your number. Dye your hair. Move across the country. Never come back. 

In other words, they actively choose chaos.

They reassure you to never stress, but find their world ending in the least stressed in situations. 

Traffic? Sending my deepest condolences. 

You forgot to bring your lunch, because you can’t get your life together? Sucks to be you. 

You are out of money, because you are irresponsible and do not meal prep? 

As my mother said, You made your bed, you lie in it. Smart woman. 

You are responsible for the consequences of your stupid choices. 

I never stress or panic. 

It has to be really bad for me to fall apart in that sense. 

I lost my job. Didn’t stress or panic. I was relieved.

When our neighbourhood in the Hollywood Hills was on fire – everyone saw how I was the calmest and had a bag ready, because I think of life the same way I play chess. So many moves are inevitable. Make the smart ones to protect yourself. 

From time to time, I do panic, but quietly and internally. As an adult should. 

I might hide tears in the bathroom when I am doing a heavy pressure project for work. Or after experiencing someone do something horrible to someone I love. It breaks my heart.  

But I fold like a flower and retreat in silence. Because I am grown. Never let your emotions control you. You are not a toddler who throws a tantrum when you do not get what you want. *handshake* Welcome to the world. 

When I want to be left alone to work, they text nonstop, call, or barge into the room various times. I asked for one thing. You had one job. You failed. Several times. 

Are you dying? No. Leave me alone. 

Pressing me about picking up some things from the grocery store is not that important right now. Being able to eat tomorrow is. This could have been a text. My phone is on Do Not Disturb during work hours for a reason. 

Since you’re not going to do it for me, don’t mess with my ability to put food on my plate. Don’t mess with my workflow. Or I will remove you altogether so this never happens again. 

I never actually say that. Only thought of it now. It is never good to threaten leaving. That is quite toxic. Call me human, but I think it in these specific instances. 

Boyfriends discover confidence without competence.

Everyone has a mom moment when dating a boy, but he has specific phases that highlight this. When he acts like a man, you can rest and relax knowing that things are taken care of without you needing to lift a finger.

However. This is the first time I have dated someone messy. And lived with someone messy. 

A really interesting observation I have made over the years is the more financially responsible, clear-minded, and generally smarter a man is –the cleaner and neater he is. He is rich in every sense. 

Even if their home is simple with only what they need, they usually want to keep it that way and make their space better.

Boyfriends might be confident that they can run businesses, large companies, be good salesmen, and stand up for their communities. Even though they are a work in progress. That is a nice way to say it. (I have never met a guy who is better at business than me who cannot afford a deposit on a basic apartment.) 

At home, something happens when the man drops his guard and the boy slowly grows comfortable turning his girlfriend into his mom. 

This is his version of feeling safe. It is a little too comfortable in an unattractive sense. For me, anyway. 

I will never mother someone. You are grown and 30. Act like it. 

My boyfriend is the messiest person I have ever met in my entire life. And that is saying something having grown up with exceptionally wealthy spoiled boys.

I have to get used to living in stink and filth most days that I have to clean up, because I have no choice if I want to keep breathing clean air. The funny thing is he responded saying, ‘I’m so clean!’ I never laughed so hard in my life at a sentence. Not to be toxic, but that was hilarious.

This is one of the reasons I stopped buying as many good quality, finer clothes. There is no way to maintain them living with him unless I have more space, as in another room where I can separately store them that is not shared with his items.

But it’s a good sign that they let their guard down. They are comfortable with being themselves around you. I am hiring a cleaner who comes a couple times a week, because I need help! We both work so much.

I miss having an office prepared for me to start working once I enter and being able to lock the door.

Mothering your boyfriend is gross. It is one of the biggest turn offs, personally. Toxic boy mom alert? You can be spoiled. But not a brat. Want for nothing but lose the attitude. 

I do not have time for this. I literally have a marketing meeting you are draining my energy away from as I prepare myself. Do not drain your energy. Simply walk away as much as you can to prevent fights. 

They accuse you of and assume the worst case scenario.

This is a real text conversation.

Why are you sending all the message rn?

You provoking me like usual ? [sic]

Or you looking for some troubles? 

All I did was send screenshots of inspirational Instagram post quotes. Who hurt you, boy? Also, no good morning after I sent good morning? Get some manners and grow up. 

They can clear a room with the smell of their feet. 

My eyes water and turn red so I have to squeeze my lids to physically regroup. This is the first guy I met who had the stinkiest feet ever.

He literally comes home to wash his feet first thing, so thank goodness for that. He’s awake, ladies! I let him keep all the socks he keeps borrowing. He finally bought new pairs. 

I cannot afford this version of high maintenance. Imagine if I kept soiling my pants and repeatedly borrowed his. Nasty and expensive.  

If you want to say, ‘That’s why you are 30 and already divorced!’ Absolutely. I own not tolerating nonsense. Never will. 

I turn down men, when I don’t like them. Not because it’s a power play. It is also good to not like everybody. You spread yourself thin unnecessarily.

There are way too many people in the world for that. I can like you for some things, but nobody is perfect. 

You either accept them the way they are and figure out how to work as a team, or move on with your life.

Then, why are you with him?

Notice every mentioned above was highly sarcastic and fixable. 

His heart is wonderful. It brings me heavy, happy tears when I think of all the sacrifices he made for me. 

He stood by my side through emergency surgeries and procedures. 

He carried me when I physically couldn’t walk. 

Protected me from evil. 

Did not run away when I screamed. 

Shared his family as if they were mine. 

Opened my heart and softened it to God again as I was seeking to.

Forbids any chance of temptation. 

Feeds me when I am the littlest bit hungry. 

Keeps me warm when he is cold. 

Drives hours only to pick me up and drop me off. 

Rallies all his friends to support and help me. 

Fixes my heart when I am in pain. 

Does not let me lift a finger for anything to carry. 

Always offers endless help. 

Never talks badly of others. 

Pays his bills early. 

Offers cash when he knows I am struggling. 

Accepts with a smile when I do his hair wrong. 

Is an incredible chef. 

Spites anyone who is against me. 

Is willing to sacrifice 12 hour shifts 9 days a week to one day have a healthy family with me.

Stays calm and strong under truly scary pressure. 

Never wants to be apart.

Makes sure I have a roof over my head at all times. 

Never lets me question his love. 

He is chalant.

These are only the day to day things. That is love. Constantly showing up with your best self and wanting to be there. His love is extremely humbling. 

At times, he has a stubborn stick up his butt. But it does not bother me. He spoils me when he can. It’s his first priority when he gets his paycheck. Breathing, food, me. That’s pretty paramount.

He wants to make me feel special in every way. He understands the manner in which I live, because he lives the same himself.

I want him to care. I want him to get triggered. It shows he is invested. To have that power over someone, but never use it against them is true love.

Embarrassment is only a temporary emotion.

The notes before are all said as a dry joke that I have learnt to laugh about. They are to lift my day thinking about him whether it is negative or positive. The favourable are a tidal wave that outweighs the fatalistic. The optimistic points are remarkably affirming.

Boyfriends might be embarrassing in the way youth is embarrassing—loud, clumsy, and still figuring itself out. But real love, is what shows up quietly every day, steadies you when things burn down, and chooses you even when it’s inconvenient. In the end, a little embarrassment is a small price to pay for someone who consistently proves they are on your side.

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