How to never have to negotiate your worth

Hello, Gorgeous!

Remember your worth.

These are words I have to remind myself everyday to get to this point.

Any time I am introduced to a new character or my friends learn more about me, I get the same predictable compliments. It is almost a routine now. Guiding a conversation becomes formulaic at this point and I can mix it up with new jokes practising new ways to entertain myself. 

This is because I learnt to create my dream life to such an extent that I am living in the chapter where I am gradually turning the page each day. 

My stock climbs higher each time I speak and act, because my standards were tall to begin with. I was not always this way. Countless mistakes were made in my 20s and it is not cute to still struggle mastering yourself in your 30s. 

Here is how to have your reputation precede you so you never have to negotiate your worth.

Be honest about what you want. 

Knowing what you want is one thing. Understanding why you want it in the first place creates roots that are so much deeper. 

Self awareness is like common sense. Not everyone has it. 

A lot of people enter the dating pool not wanting anything serious only to learn the hard way about the traits they never want to associate with again. Or blindly enter a career where they do not realise their skills until after they do not want to be lost wherever the wind takes them anymore. 

Setting yourself up for any type of success is figuring out where your point B is. You are already at point A. When you know where you want to be, you can reverse engineer how to get to your goal by being strategic. 

Life is a chess match. If you move here, you lose. If you move here, you lose momentarily, but you set your other more powerful piece up later to win. 

Some might say it depends on your circumstances and opponents. The average chess player thinks 7 steps ahead. An exceptional one is 12 steps ahead without even looking at the board. (These people exist.)

You do not have to be this level advanced, but experienced. Knowing what you want is not always something you have tried all the time – a lot of people want to be millionaires but never see the day. 

This is why you have to understand why you want to be a millionaire. It gives you more options and freedom to do what you want when you want.  

When you are honest with yourself about your goals, nobody can stop you. 

Share your value by always being your best.

To get to your goal, you have to be ruthless and unashamed. 

Not every goal is something you scream from the rooftops, but letting others know will create guardians who do not let you give into distractions. 

For instance, when I was saving for this apartment, my manager frequently asked if I was working on certain days. I did not plan on it, but it pushed me to hold myself accountable and show up when I said yes.

When others are in on your plan, you also have people who root for you. They take away the alcohol because they know you have to get up the next day and find ways for you to trick others who are not in on your plans  into thinking you are drinking. 

The only people to judge you are the ones doing less. Those who are successful know exactly what they went through when they were on their trail to triumph, so they champion you. 

Passersby might stay when they hear your goals and realise they are not dreaming big enough, so they join you. 

Exemplifying your everyday progress and keeping your standards will move the goalpost affecting everyone around you. This is why you have to show up for yourself first as your best. 

You are only trying to outdo yourself and create no excuse for failure. 

Learn to say no.

Mercilessly setting boundaries becomes easier when you know where you are going. 

You have a long term vision that others cannot see right away, but you get closer to your achievements with each small decision you make. 

Fighting your weaknesses becomes natural even when you feel like you are failing. However, feeling tired is what you confuse with failing. That is why you keep showing up with your principles.  

It makes you want to show up again the next day to keep pushing. Because you gave yourself no choice but to succeed and cannot stop. 

You act like a hungry person who has to work because they have no food in their fridge. It is a different type of drive that makes it easy to say no. 

There are so many kind ways to express this sentiment.

Not today, but I’m free next month to go out. 

Perhaps another time. I have no energy tonight. 

I have to wake up early tomorrow morning. I’m going to call it a night. 

I can’t. I promised my friend I’d meet her here, but next time.

Or something simple as

No thanks. I’m good.

Be ready to walk away.

This is the hardest thing I have ever done. But it will also get you to the highest point of esteem with yourself.

When you value yourself, others value you even more, because they want this for themselves.

It is called self-trust.

Walking away does not have to be abrupt but a slow taper.

You can always finesse a situation when you are becoming more astute to the circumstances. The challenge is knowing when to stop responding. 

Making it clear that something is not for you is simple. But hard to do to someone’s face. 

The key is to be honest and speak from your heart. 

This is not what you really want. It does not align with who you are and never will. There are plenty of other substitutes out there who can replace you in this time.

Make it easy to walk away.

Think of how ridiculous it would be to not get what you want your way.

Once when I was out with my girls years ago, we were at an exclusive VIP part of a restaurant when a man approached me offering to take me out. I said I am taken and not interested. 

He shared how he was from Dubai and did this and that, then proceeded to offer me $10,000 to sleep with him for the night.

It was so absurd and something that would never cross my mind so it was easy to say no.

There were times when I wondered all the ways it would make my life easier to easily take that money. But it made it especially painless when I thought of all the diseases he had, what crazy things he could do – it could have been bait for something scary – and how I would not be able to sleep at night knowing I did that to myself more or less my partner. 

That money is something I will acquire in a matter of time. So it was easy to say no. All I have to do is take my time to work. I love my work, so it does not make a difference in my day to say no to a man who thought I would be interested in such a transaction. 

It is also much more fulfilling if I did what I wanted the way I wanted for myself and be able to sleep at night even if I was single. 

Desperate times call for desperate measures for some people, but I never operate from a scarcity mindset, which is why it is important to take space for yourself to think clearly. I walk away even when it is hard as I did in this situation.

Ask yourself: Who would really be successful at the end of this transaction? 

Set yourself up for success no matter the trajectory. 

Having a Plan A, Plan B, and Plan C will always allow you to make the wise decision.

Take your emotions out of the equation.

It is always a great time to use your brain.

This is so sexy, because it expands your thinking.

There have been clinical studies on the psychology of those who have less. You become more creative and resourceful with what you have and can think your way out of any situation when you find new ways to make what you have better. 

Capsule wardrobes have become popular because of this. Brands with top quality craftsmanship and the same materials from a luxury designer emerge all the time. FedEx started with a guy on a bike. 

It is the will + direction that equates your success. 

If you thought with emotions all day long, you would stay in bed and never show up to work to pay the rent. 

We have to rewire our emotions to get what we want out of a situation sometimes. Modulate with where the world is going to survive. 

The trick is to balance your emotions – not completely ignore them. 

Emotions and instincts are not the same thing, so do not get it twisted. 

I am talking about 

• the complaints you want to communicate when you choose to smile
• the time one part of your body is sore so you choose to work out another
• the moment your friend is in trouble at 3am so you have to shoot out of the house and pick them up before something bad happens

At the end of the day you are successful when you act. Things need to get done. How you do it is by showing up and doing them all the time. Especially when you do not feel like it. 

Your worth was never meant to be debated across a table. 

When you know what you want, uphold your standards, and move with quiet conviction, the right opportunities and people will recognise your value without negotiation. Live in a way that makes walking away easy, and your reputation will always speak long before you have to. 

If you’re ready to stop negotiating your worth and start moving through life like the woman who already knows her value, it’s time to step into The It Girl School. 

Inside, you’ll learn how to build unshakeable standards, master your mindset, and create the kind of life that makes people recognize your value before you even say a word. 

Join The It Girl School and start becoming the woman whose presence alone sets the standard.