You can change the outfit but not the man.

Hello, Gorgeous!

Have you found the one yet? 

I feel like I have an idea of who and what the one is but it is not perfect. Nobody is perfect. It is never going to be perfect, so you have to enjoy what you are given or walk away. 

Recently I gave up on dating entirely and focused on myself 100%. 

Feeling as if I was slacking from work and taking care of myself, I put my health and work at the forefront once again.

This was a really not-so-fun time as I kept going on with life but good for my growth and sanity. I did not have to adjust my entire work and sleep schedule simply to meet someone. It is probably what made my tastes for getting to know someone sour. 

If it is easy it is for you.

A lot of my first dates were deeply put off by my nocturnal work schedule and dismissed me entirely. It is funny, because I knew this was not a problem but an excuse for people to not make the effort because I did not fit in the 9 to 5 box.

That is completely acceptable for me, because it filtered out those with patience immediately. 

In my last relationship, we suffered through insane work hours back and forth with each other yet we managed to spend time together. 

I am not a serial dater. 

I am looking for the one and sticking to him. 

Going on first dates seemed to be it for me. Possibly a second, but I did not find myself captivated by anyone. 

At times, men were eligible on paper but I did not like the force of effort it took to get the person to understand me or having a flowing interaction. I made that mistake in my previous marriage* and people are train-able, but that ended in flames, so I learnt my lesson.

*He understood eventually but it took great effort. We came from different worlds and thought very contrastingly. Which also taught me a lot and shaped my perspective.

Not blind to the fact that people will come from various planets, I have to listen accordingly. Knowing your audience will always tell you how to speak to them so your words and actions do not land on deaf ears.

WHEN WERE THESE PHOTOS TAKEN?

A very important question to ask when looking at dating profiles

A majority of the first dates were on paper people. There were only 2 in-person people I organically fell in tune with, but I was not attracted to them. Their photos on their dating profile were a touch…misleading. Or old. 

I recently created a post on dating online and how to filter out the nonsense here.

And then someone understood.

I could bug him all day and he reciprocates the same energy. 

He came from a similar background, said it already felt like 2 years of knowing each other and I felt we have been talking for 3 weeks. It has been 5 days.

We are almost telepathic and have the same golden retriever energy, though with him I am a black cat. He brings out who I was before my marriage, long before my last relationship, and makes me feel like the 21 year old who had her first apartment to herself.

When a man makes you feel 10 years younger but still a beautiful blossoming woman–he is that one of a kind special.

I still need time.

This is not a whirlwind romance, because I am shoving that feeling down. I do not want butterflies but he definitely gives me them when we are together. Even amongst the everyday noise. 

Not wanting to be whisked away by the moment does not mean I do not have to take note. I do not want to get carried away and make a mistake again. Growing means making wise decisions and choosing someone deliberately.

To be certain things are right, the feeling will remain and I will see how we both react in diverse scenarios. 

• Do I like how he treated the waiter?
• Did he help the person find the wallet they dropped?
• Does he get on with my friends and family?

If this were me 10 years ago, I would have jumped at his pretend proposal. Now I laugh and change the subject rather than take it to heart. Eagerness be gone. 

That, my friend, is called character development.

He was the first third date in years.

On dates I thought to myself,

Did I drop a slur? What is UP with these dates?

I got dumped after a week of getting to know someone over text and meeting only once. It was not a good fit apparently and that was the moment I took a step back to re-evaluate my trajectory. 

It is okay to be ‘a lot’ for some people. For him, I am just right. No holding back from either side.

You do not get a second chance at a first impression. Those initial dates have some weight on them. 

The absence of performance, the ability to melt into each other, and him always doing what he says make me turn my head. Stay for a while.

Are we crazy? Or is this a healthy pace?

He does not cower or run away when making bold declarations and presenting diverging observations. As a matter of fact, he welcomes them. Without red flags or immaturity. He demands growth from himself before me.

During a discussion I asked if we were crazy or if our unity was healthy. He said it could be both. Whatever feels right for the both of us. 

As long as it is not 1,000 miles per hour as if we could not live without each other. We miss the other, but my life carries on despite the fact. 

I typically am told that it feels like I have known someone for years. 

We are still very different people, but I get this a lot from strangers.

It is because of my comprehension of making people feel comfortable and making others feel understood. This was never the case for me on my date, so this is definitely a first. 

I do not have to explain myself and he puts into words how we are both feeling quite clearly. It has been a while since I met someone so well spoken and perceptive. But also communicates it well.

He took the words right out of my mouth! 

I do not have a type, but I do have a type. 

In my head, I have this vision of how I want someone who is put together, articulate, comes from a loving family with common goals. Preferably dark eyes with dark hair so I can look at him for a long time and keep smiling when I see his face on my future babies. 

When asked, I do not give all of these traits away on dates, because then people try to fit a mould and carry a facade, wasting both our time. 

The not-on-paper type

He is not the forged alloy I envisioned in my head when seeking a suitor. 

He is the pleasant music that makes you ask, ‘What is this song?’ It is new and you like it. You listen to it. Repeat it, because you want to keep the feeling. 

This is also why I need time. 

Being chased is a wonderful feeling, because you feel the generosity of someone’s efforts. It goes both ways. You want to integrate lives and make it naturally fall in place. Without arguing or explaining yourself. It unfurls by nature.

The first half of this year was all about this as I had to consolidate my identity once again and find my footing in a new life on my own. This latter half of 2026 is deepening what I know and finding information and proof to push me into my more extensive goals. 

Men with accoutrements as their way to get ahead in dating

All the embellishments of a man do not make him a gentleman.

Men’s pickup lines were usually something along the lines of 

I have multiple properties in these large cities, this sportscar, and that business.

Take away all those things and who are you? I rather someone tell me about themself with quirks, painfully silly stories, and seeing their reaction to my up-front statements. 

I do not care about the inventory you possess but what is in your heart. 

Questions I would ask on a date instead

How do you receive love? 

What would you do with your time if you never had to work again? 

What are your dreams? 

What makes you feel impatient? 

How do you handle anger or stress? 

There are a thousand other things I would ask before What do you have? 

The items aforementioned are materials I could gather myself with time. We are in a day and age where the way someone treats you is what matters above all. 

It feels really easy.

At times I am shocked at how effortless it is to communicate with him. Without words sometimes. He says everything I am thinking in a concise few words. A skill I have been meaning to develop for some time. 

Instead of using poetry, I show him. Neglecting all the complications that drain me. Forgetting all the pain I’ve felt. Forging a new path with this person seems rather realistic. 

Building something that lasts 

My emotions are fooling me as they did before. Or are they? 

At the end of the day, time is our friend. I do not want to make the same past mistakes but am ready to give this everything with steady pacing. No hasty actions here. As a matter of fact, I could do this for years.  

He has the things I have been missing. The other half of my same heart. My spirit’s reflection. My smile’s mirror. He even lets me dress him however I want. You can change a man’s clothes. As long as he is the same man underneath, because that is something I never wish to change. 

The It Girl knows the difference between potential and partnership.

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