A romantic reality: Love the job that feeds you over the man who doesn’t

Hello, Gorgeous!

I remember hearing the story of a woman pining after a man who did not text her back after a whirlwind romance of the first few dates. 

Her entire life seemed to flip upside down over nonsense.

Every mood swung whether he contacted her or not. The little bits she clung onto were paradigm-shifting as she latched to one of his ever average words. His few words of text were prophecy. The roller coaster she was on depended on him bringing the happiness she yearned for. 

She forgot the power she held. 

My words came from the heart when I reminded her who she was. 

The verbiage I used was tender and careful when I gently nudged her to feel her feelings then move on with her life. It could have been in the form of going on fun expeditions with loved ones or throwing herself into work. 

Discontent in her professional role, she had the option to either ride it out or start new somewhere else. Realising she was only lightly unsatisfied with her work environment–I recognised the truth.

She was not happy with what she already had.

Either way, she was going to find something wrong in her situation. It means her life is probably full and does not see what she has. 

Hearing the topics that burdened her, she was more concerned that she desired a man who did not want anything to do with her. More importantly over matters that made her great. Her case was not a weakness or opportunity she missed out on. 

Look at what needs to be fixed.

Personally, when I have something bothering me, it means I need to fix something. Or not. 

If the complaints come from external sources, it might simply be projections. However, if it is a consistent issue that keeps coming up–then I need to look inward. No matter what, I seek what introspectively unsettled me so it does not perturb me ever again. 

A rich man laughs when people call him poor.

A smart man laughs when people call him stupid.

Most people who are offended at a statement someone else makes, it is most likely true what they are saying if we feel hurt. If it is something that does not bother me and I know is untrue, I succumb to laughter and shrug it off. 

Sometimes things might be funny because they are true and we cannot take ourselves too seriously. 

Do not be imprisoned by what could have been.

Something an elder family member told me was, 

When a couple breaks up they are holding onto what could have been.

It is the potential of a blossoming relationship that could have turned into a lifetime partnership, family, home, and legacy to grow old with.

As women, we tend to dream in detail of the various paths (mostly sticking to one or two) that could carry us through to our goals. 

This is a beautiful superpower that not only women have, but men quietly aspire to. Perhaps they do not make moodboards about it as we do, but they have discussions with their friends about forever and family. 

Hold on to reality above all else.

Our priorities might be backwards at times as it is perfectly human. 

People pine for costly vacations when they forget how expensive their rent is and how lovely their apartment is.

Some men avoid coming home for hours to escape their wives when she was the one he fought for. 

Countless ladies love a man who does not feed them over the 9 to 5 job that gives them everything they need and want. Forget feeding her–he hardly gives her any attention.

We work so hard to find ourselves in a never ending cycle of not fully appreciating what already exists in our place. The reality is others would kill to be in our positions. 

Be Charlotte York: a woman always chosen. By herself.

Something I loved about Charlotte York in Sex and the City was that once a man did not meet her standards, she knew she was already going to meet someone attractive with everything she wanted. Even though it took time.

It was always so easy for her to say no and move on with her life when she did not find exactly what she wanted. This makes me proud to see how a fictional character was based on so many real women conflations or not.

The reality is there are billions of people out there and all you need is one to walk side by side with you. In other words, the odds are good. Do not give up now. 

As women, biologically it does not feel like time is our friend. 

Whether it is familial pressure or our gynecologist giving us unwarranted news, our fate is in our hands at the end of the day.

If you do not have the option of freezing your eggs or this does not morally or ethically align with you–that is perfectly admissible in court as long as you take care of your health as best you can. 

When you take care of yourself first, you are able to take care of everyone around you including the future children you might want to have in future if this is part of your dream. Your body is their home and it is prepped because you were ready to show up as your best. 

Your body is your home first, so take care of yourself no matter what. 

Find your balance with what you already have.

It Girls want it all, because we know it is possible.  

I have asked around to different walks of life whether we can have it all or not. The answers varied.

I received a direct no from my now ex-husband.

Then there was the man who truly had it all who said, ‘You are the type of woman who can have it all.’

And another stranger on the internet who said my favourite statement,

You rotate what you neglect that week.

Laughing, I wholeheartedly agreed with the last two, because I might be a little delusional. But it has gotten to do everything I wanted. Though in a backwards order, I can tell you everything you want is possible and at times we actually need to dream bigger. 

When you have balance in the things that fulfill you, a few dates here and there might not seem like a big deal until they truly show up in reality with consistency.

What we have is already a lot more meaningful. It has stuck by us all this time for a reason.

Love the life that loves you back.

Ultimately, this is not really about choosing a job over a man.

It is about choosing what chooses you back.

Love the career that supports you. Love the relationships that show up for you. Love the body that carries you through every chapter. Love the time it takes you to spend years becoming yourself.

When you see the man who is sincerely there in your reality—make room for him.

But never abandon the life that was already feeding you just because someone temporarily made you hungry for more.

Let reality be romantic too.

The paycheck arriving in your account is romantic.

Coming home to a beautiful space you created is romantic.

Your friends answering the phone is romantic.

Your body getting you through another day is romantic.

Building the career you once only dreamed about is romantic.

And yes—being deeply, wildly, ridiculously in love with someone who loves you back is romantic, too.

It Girl energy is not about choosing between love and ambition.

It is about knowing that neither should require you to betray yourself.

Dream by yourself for a while. Love the way you always wanted to. But do not lose everything else in the process. Become the woman you keep imagining.

When love comes, let it meet you there. Because the goal was never to find a man who could become your entire world. The goal was to build a world so beautiful that the right man would be honoured to enter it.

Above all else, love the woman who refused to abandon herself while waiting to be loved.

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