How to stop being a villain and become a lover girl

Hello, Gorgeous!

Everyone has a villain origin story. 

I see a lot of women in-person and online having villain arcs of dodging their emotions after being hurt and/or only focusing on earning money. They want to live a soft life that is decentred from male attention–which I highly respect–but some come to the point of avoiding men entirely. Or using them. 

Using people for a meal or to visit a nice place is awful and I never want anyone to think this way. Especially when you have the alternative to take yourself or a girlfriend to that place to make memories. 

Instead of avoiding your feelings entirely, feel what you feel with your whole heart. Be honest with yourself and take your time to let your guard down. 

Here is how to stop being a villain and become a lover girl when finally meeting someone who shows he is interested. This counts for both sides of the relationship. 

Check if his journey aligns with yours.

In a previous post, I mentioned how this is easy to see with simply asking direct yet playful questions. This is a light way to get honest answers out of someone you could potentially see yourself building a life with. 

After many mistakes with being too direct on dates or not asking the right questions in a long term relationship, I have learnt quite a bit. This helped with someone who was even clearer about his answers and taught me a lot on what to spot when it comes to seeing if someone is a good fit. 

Having similar goals on a timeline gives you an idea of what you are both looking for. I know it sounds clinical, but this is real life. If one person is still in school, establishing a career, or is building a (literal or familial) home will affect other aspects of their life. 

At times, you will find that some people should not be dating at all and should truly be single. But we get greedy with the things we want without realising our timeline and goals. 

See if his actions match his words. Not talk, talk, talk.

Dreams without deadlines never make sense to me. After reading Atomic Habits and having small business milestones in my early twenties, my perspective on reaching goals changed entirely. 

You need action to propel you into progress. Flowery words and dreaming about beautiful things are not reality. Witnessing people do things including yourself teaches you a lot more than thinking about them. 

20 minutes doing something is worth more than 20 hours thinking about doing something.

I dated someone who said he wanted to go to the gym almost everyday we were together. We lived together. I went to the gym in our building several times a week whilst inviting him. He never once stepped in any gym since I first met him. 

He wanted to start a business and had good ideas. He did not have the money to build his enterprises, so I offered to help him with seed capital. Instead, he sat smoking weed and playing video games every night he came home from work. I have a lot of these stories from this ex. 

There are other things he endlessly and emptily promised. The point is you lose respect for the person who does not do the things they say they will. Pay attention to the things he does rather than the words he says. If there is an imbalance between the two–reconsider the situation.

Observe if he steps up for you without prompting.

Recently, I had something odd happen to my car. Nothing was wrong with my car–it was merely a cosmetic issue. The man I was seeing stepped up immediately to offer a ride and intended to pick me up for a date nonetheless. He cut me off before I could even share how my car still works fine.

I assured him that everything was fine and was pleased at how he jumped at the opportunity to make everything easy. He wanted me to see him in a favourable light and was naturally inspired to have me be there with him.

This is something consistent with him and I keep finding myself impressed that someone keeps wanting to do things for me without asking. 

Ask yourself if you feel safe with him.

Simply because someone does the action does not mean he is in love with you or you are the first priority in his mind. It does not automatically imply that he wants to start a family with you or is in the relationship 100%.

I know a lot of men who do things for women because they can. It is their way of making women feel attached to them. These are men with means whose default are to take ladies out for a nice dinner, let her get dressed up and still use her body along with countless others during the week. 

Some are more discreet than others, especially in a big city full of resourceful individuals, but you will not know until you have that gut instinct that tells you to feel safe. Being comfortable in a lifestyle he brings with him is not something you should inherently expect as a sign of you being able to give your heart and everything that comes with it.

At the end of the night, trust your gut to tell you by the way you feel when he answers questions, moves, and looks you in the eye when he gets specific on how he feels about you. For some, flowers and kisses are only a way of saying hello to everyone he meets. 

There are men who never bring flowers at all. Who never say sweet things. But they always show up when you need them most and make themselves available just because they love being around you. The man who takes the time and effort to care about your details will smile no matter what and protect your heart. 

Watch if he grows with you. 

This final impression is another way to say give it a chance. Time will show you if he is consistent. Action + consistency = the ultimate relationship. As long as it does not become robotic and monotonous, you have something special on your hands. 

There are times where either of you will not want to show up but you do it anyway because you care about the person. But you still find yourself happy and glad you did after the fact. 

The day you find things are becoming sour and you are not thrilled to do these small or big tasks anymore is when it starts to become a sacrifice. 

Sacrifice is not something you do in a relationship, because you are happy to be there over anything else. This is the beautiful part. 

When you see his life wrapping around yours because he chooses you every time, the relationship is worth keeping. His words he told you when you first met about where he wanted to be are finally coming to fruition, because the goalpost comes closer. 

School could be coming to a close, his career is blossoming to where he wants to be, or the house is being closed in on with you having space to design. Something along the lines of walking side by side together becomes more tangible in this aspect. 

All because you both stuck around and made it work with action. 

Become the woman who attracts the life she desires by embodying it first.

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