Why I Stopped Celebrating Valentine’s Day

Valentine’s Day 2026 was fabulous.

I worked and went home whilst my sweetheart competed at a snooker tournament.

No dinner? No flowers?

Just sweets and hugs when he came home.

We still celebrate birthdays, holidays, and give gifts. But they are more special now.

I stopped giving weight to holidays that are not actually holy. 

The origin of the term holiday derives from the Old English hāligdæg which literally meant “holy day.”

• Hālig = holy, sacred
• Dæg = day
  Originally, it referred to religious feast days or days set aside for worship.

Over time:

• Medieval England: any church festival day
• Later English usage: any day off work or celebration
• Modern meaning: vacation, public holiday, or festive day

It is currently Ramadan and I am enjoying this more as the discovery of something holy actually occurred. 

Valentine’s Day is a Hallmark holiday inside and outside the United States where it has become extremely commercialised. 

Here in California, restaurants change their menus on the day to a prix fixe meal when I simply wanted a hamburger! 

Not to mention the difficulty of getting a reservation more than usual.

Yes, I love my German sandwich along with frankfurters American style. 

Since when did sesame seeds on a bun also become an American staple? Very 1960s. And brioche? I digress.

When did showing our love for someone become about expensive gifts and high-pressure dinners?

I feel uncomfortable shifting in my silk pajama trousers thinking about how uncomfortable I am shifting in the sequin dress I wore at last year’s dinner.

My sweetheart took me out to celebrate my grandmother’s birthday. February 14th is her day. 

Instead of a Yahrtzeit I commemorate her life on the day she was born. The light she gives me from Heaven, I carry it with me everyday. 

The roots of Valentine’s Day are exquisitely lovely and captivating.

Christian saint origin

Many historians link the holiday to Saint Valentine, a priest said to have secretly married couples despite bans by Claudius II.

• He was executed in Rome around 269 CE.
• The Catholic Church later established Feb 14 as his feast day.

Medieval romance tradition

Love connections emerged much later:

• Poet Geoffrey Chaucer wrote about birds choosing mates in Parlement of Foules (1300s).
  This helped associate Feb 14 with romantic love, especially in England.

 Modern celebration

By the 1800s–1900s:

• Printed cards, chocolates, and flowers became common.
  The holiday grew into a commercial celebration, especially in the United States.

In Brazil, it was used to spark the economy with gifts of chocolate and flowers for lovers. 

Perhaps being Semitic changes my perspective, but I always longed for a valentine when I was growing up. 

Then, I was presented opportunities to be a valentine for someone on multiple occasions as if it felt like free candy on Hallow’s Eve. 

It felt like unnecessary obligation and pressure to have the perfect date. 

During my wonderful marriage, we would purchase at least 4 luxury gifts for each other.

All we did was spend too much and go home feeling like we needed to procreate. We ate too much from dinner and ended up going to sleep. 

You think I can fit in lingerie after four courses? You’re crazy.

The stress and stakes were high. For what?

There is a Turkish proverb that has shaped my new view of love.

İlk aşk ateştir, ikinci aşk zamandır.
Translation: “The first love is fire; the second love is time.” 

Meaning

• First love (“fire”): passionate, consuming, intense, often impulsive.
• Second love (“time”): steady, enduring, built over years, more about companionship and shared life than fireworks.

It’s a beautiful way Turkish culture distinguishes romantic intensity from lasting commitment.

Here are a few poetic English renditions of the Turkish proverb “İlk aşk ateştir, ikinci aşk zamandır” that preserve the fire vs. time metaphor:

1. “First love is fire; second love is the warmth that lasts.”
2. “The first love blazes, the second love endures.”
3. “Passion ignites the first love, time sustains the second.”
4. “Love’s first spark is flame, the second is steady light.”
5. “Your first love burns; your second love grows with time.”

Each version keeps the contrast between intense passion and steady, enduring affection.

Lest we forget the everyday love. 

I’ve stopped buying into the commercialised version of holidays and started savouring the everyday moments that actually matter. Love isn’t about fancy dinners or ticking boxes—it is in the quiet, steady ways we show up for each other, day in, day out. 

The little things we do to show our loved ones everyday are my Valentine’s Day. 

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